Lovin' Miri

The longest month of my life

2012-01-26T17:47:00.000+08:00

‎
1 month in ICU - Alhamdulillah... thanks to the Almighty, Humaira's condition continues to improve although there is a little setback. She has a little bit of infection. Though not serious, doctors are taking every necessary precaution. We have to put on a robe, mask and gloves now when we visit her.

For the past 3 days, her creatinine level has been within normal range. What a relief! The tracheostomy is still in her throat but is scheduled to be removed when the specialist gets back from CNY break. Physiotherapy continues. She's now able to slightly lift her left limbs too, though not as much the right ones. She's also been exercising her neck on her own to loosen up the muscles which must've been quite stiff.

She's a little more cheerful now, clearly showing her delight when I arrived to visit her with a big, cheeky grin. Really made my day to see those dimples again! She loves playing "steal my dimples if you can" where her daddy would pinch her cheek attempting to steal her dimple and she would then flash us a megawatt grin to show us that the dimples are still there, and we would all laugh. If only she could see that as we laughed, so did we cry. From utter relief and joy!

The nurses have all been very good to Humaira, some getting pretty attached to her. Once her daddy arrived to find 2 of the nurses dancing for her to the Angry Birds song! And Humaira grinning all along! =D

Am looking forward to more and more accomplishments from Humaira. Already she has beaten the odds to come this far, who knows what else she has in store!

Please keep your prayers coming. They mean so much to us. Thank you and may God bless all of you.

Yours, Nin.

Humaira, the little fighter

2012-01-21T18:03:00.001+08:00

Day 26 in ICU - Yesterday (day 25) has got to be the best day in terms of news and accomplishments so far. I arrived at the hospital to find Maira lifting her right hand (bending at the elbow) up to her chest. She had just finished physio and daddy said she was showing off to mummy =). Show off all you can, love and I will keep singing you praises cause you deserve it. She was also able to bend her right leg. Alhamdulillah. Hopefully in time, the left side too will gain strength to do this.

She's able to move more facial muscles compared to the previous day and listen to this... she can nod and shake her head now, in response to questions! Maybe just a little but enough for us to differentiate between a yes and a no. Praise God cause that makes communication a lot easier. We can now at least know what she prefers to make her more comfortable. And when she wants to drink.

Little by little, we can sense her personality coming back out. The I-have-a-mind-of-my-own Maira. She'd co-operate when she wants and totally ignores you when she doesn't. If this used to sometimes annoy us in the past, it doesn't now. We're just happy and glad that she's slowly coming back.

The best news has got to be the test of her MRI brain scan. The brain condition has improved and this amazed the paediatric neurologist herself. 2 weeks ago, she made us cry buckets when she painted a very grim picture of Maira's future, urging us to accept the fact that what's happened has happened and that we need to start thinking of what's best for Maira. In other words, start making preparations to live with a mentally and physically impaired child. Naturally, coming from one of the best paediatric neurologist in KL, we were heartbroken.

However, we were determined not to let this dampen our spirits. Clearly the neurologist doesn't know what a fighter Maira is and that she should not under-estimate the power of prayers. And today, upon seeing the MRI result, although there are still some "grey" areas, the condition is reversible at this point. She admitted that this was amazing, and best of all, she had this to say to us...

"Whatever you are doing right now... the ustaz reciting Quranic verses, the prayers, the stimulations... keep them up cause they seem to be working."

Yeay! We managed to get the neurologist on board. She's on our side now! =D

Where creatinine level is concerned, the reading yesterday was 140. Normal level is between 80-100. Maira is on track and getting closer.

Yesterday was truly a day of tears and laughter for us. Tears of joy and occasional laughter that came out heartily from daddy♥ that mummy hadn't heard in awhile. Real, genuine laughter.

Again, our sincere thanks to all who have been keeping us in their thoughts and prayers. I have always believed in the power of prayer/doa. This experience has definitely strengthen my faith. We can do all we can, say what we will but ultimately, HE decides.

Maira still has a long way to go towards full recovery but seeing her progress and knowing how determined our little girl can be, we are confident she will eventually be her old self again, insyaAllah. Renewed maybe, but still ol' Maira to us =)

Up to yesterday, this whole experience had left us worn and weary, mentally and physically. Today, we feel recharged and that ray of hope is getting brighter and brighter by the day. If He wills, anything is possible. We just have to keep on praying and doing what needs to be done to the best of our ability.

Have a good and safe CNY break everyone. And keep us in your prayers. You are all in ours.

Lots of love and tonnes of thanks, Nin.

Day 23 in ICU

2012-01-18T14:14:00.000+08:00

Day 23 in ICU - Alhamdulillah, Humaira is becoming more aware of her surroundings now. She is still not able to move her limbs (or any part of her body) but is showing more facial expressions in response to stimulus e.g. a little smile, grimace, bite her lips. Her eyes don't seem to move just yet but we are pretty sure she can see based on her reactions. She gets especially excited/emotional when shown a picture of her good friend, Jasper. In one incident, she opened her mouth as if trying to speak and a tear escaped from the corner of her eye. I think she misses her friends in Miri.

Today, we have started feeding her water (zamzam water and sirap merah) via her mouth but in very small amounts (5ml) at a time using a syringe. I was so happy to see her pouting her lips a little bit in anticipation of the sweet drink I was about to put in her mouth, masyaAllah. Definitely she can hear us! Alhamdulillah syukur! The main, nutritious feedings are still administered via a tube through her nose.

She does 2 sessions of physiotherapy every day and both of us try to be there to cheer her on. Mummy can't be at every session though, but daddy (who's been EXTRAORDINARY♥ in this adversity and the rock that keeps the family standing) is there every time. Humaira herself is extraordinary in her spirit. She co-operated with her physiotherapists and tried her best to do what they asked her to do e.g. take deep breaths, kick. She's not kicking yet, but the therapists said she knew Humaira was giving her best because she could feel the faint pressure of her kick. Mind you, for her, the energy required is equivalent to running laps for us!

Clearly my daughter is a fighter and I can't be any prouder.

The creatinine (a chemical waste product in the blood that passes through the kidneys to be filtered and eliminated in urine) level in her blood is steadily decreasing, alhamdulillah, now that her kidneys are getting better every day. At its worst 3 weeks ago, the level was 550, 5 times more than normal. That creatinine level today at last check was 270. Hopefully, when it drops down to normal range, Humaira would wake up to total alertness.

In the meantime, we are trying our best to stimulate her via the 5 sensory perceptions - sight, smell, taste, touch and hearing, whichever the doctors say we can.

I don't know what this ordeal has been like for her but for me, it has been nothing short of painful and agonizing, but I guess that is nothing compared to what she has gone through. Although she can't make any sounds (due to the tracheostomy tube in her throat), I could tell when she cries. Today for example, I knew she was sobbing. All I could do was comfort her and assured her that things will be better. And silently cried for her. It's very, very hard to see her in this condition, but as Allah promises that with every hardship, there is ease, I am sure that this too shall pass.

I'm praying hard and am still asking that my family and friends do too. May Allah repay your kindness in ways only He knows how.

Lots of thanks, Nin.

Update on Humaira's progress

2012-01-14T19:25:00.001+08:00

Physiotherapy session.

The pictures we put up in her ICU ward.

Copy-paste from my FB posting :

It's been 19 days. Today, the doctor reported that Maira smiled at him and to test it, her daddy asked her to smile. She gave a little tiny almost-smile. Alhamdulillah... at least, despite her seemingly being in a coma, we at least know that she can hear us. It's just that she's unable to respond.
So far, we notice that when she's "awake" her half-opened eyes blink every now and then. Doctor gave 2 possibilities why she's still not fully waking up and unresponsive. Some damage to her brain, or that she still has high amount of toxins in her body (the count is dropping though, alhamdulillah). I pray that she recovers from both.
She's no longer on peritoneal dialysis because she's now urinating. That means her kidneys are on the mend, insyaAllah. We are trying to stimulate her in the hopes that it'll help to trigger her memory and hopefully jumpstart her brain alive. So we brought her favorite movie (Untangled aka Rapunzel) and played it in her ward. We also put up pictures on the wall, in case she CAN see despite the blank stare that she's giving us now.
On a more personal level, every visit is a struggle for me because I can't bear the sight of my once active and cheerful daughter in that condition. It is indeed a very bitter pill to swallow. It is difficult to convince myself that despite what is going on with Maira, life still goes on for the rest of us. Eating, sleeping, shopping (for necessities!) and even playing with my other children left me feeling guilty, thinking that my daughter is in ICU and here I am "living". I'm on a constant guilt trip.
My heartfelt thanks to all family and friends who have been very supportive in this very difficult time. From introducing contacts, recommendations of specialists and ustaz, supplying air Yaasin and zamzam... to babysitting Muhammad, buying his diapers and baby formula, getting us a CD player and CDs of Quran recitations, and a portable DVD player... even printing the pictures we put up at the ward, the list goes on. But most of all, I thank you for all the prayers and solat hajat, which I hope is still ongoing. You know who you are, the Almighty is the only one who will justly reward you. We can only offer a sincere thanks.
Please continue to pray for our little princess for a full recovery. She's our only girl and she means the world to us.

Please pray for Humaira Sofea binti Abdullah's full recovery. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I almost lost my little girl

2012-01-10T17:25:00.001+08:00

With a very heavy heart and a lump in my throat, I am writing this to inform my fellow bloggers that my daughter Humaira (turning 7 in April) is currently in ICU at a hospital in KL, and has been in coma for the past 15 days.

What started with what looked like a common cold turned out to be a deadly viral attack that almost took her life. She was admitted into hospital on Dec 26 and rushed into ICU at midnight when she started to have difficulty breathing and was starting to be unresponsive. The doctors managed to resuscitate her (she had stopped breathing and had a seizure by the time she arrived at the ICU) but my daughter has never waken up since then.

According to the doctors, there was definitely a virus that did this to her (but they have never managed to identify the virus despite numerous tests) and that what happened was that she had multiple organ failure, and a minor stroke. They were unable (and still are) to tell us what to expect. THe only thing they keep telling us is that Humaira is very, very ill and that we need to take this on a day-by-day basis. There is no assurance that she would survive another day.

My heart broke to pieces.

This is very difficult for us as a family. We had returned to KL for a 3-week holiday in early December and 2 weeks into the holiday, this happened. We were supposed to return to Miri on new year's eve. She was supposed to start standard 1 this year.

Please, I ask you, pray for my daughter's complete recovery. We were told that there is probably some damage to her brain (according to CAT scan) which the doctors can't yet determine to what extent until she wakes up. Although all her other organs have stabilised and seem to be in order, her kidneys have yet to start working. She is on dialysis, for now and the we are praying hard that her kidneys start to show some positive signs before the dialysis stop being effective anymore.

Please, please pray for Humaira. I have to sum up every courage I have whenever I visit her in ICU. To see my daughter on life support (that has been taken off 2 days ago, alhamdulillah and she's breathing on her own) and poked with all kinds of tubes from her nose, mouth, neck, up to her abdomen is unbearable.

Again, please spare some time and pray for Humaira. I have nothing more to say.

These moved me to tears ='(

2011-12-05T13:59:00.001+08:00

Where got Merdeka in Seksualiti?

2011-11-03T22:57:00.001+08:00

Here's what I think...

I think homosexuality is a disease. It's a disorder of the mind. It's an addiction. It's like anorexia. It's wrong but the person inflicted by anorexia doesn't see this fact. She can be all skin and bones and still thinks she's fat. She will deny that she needs help and insists that she is fine. That's how it is with homosexuals. They think it's ok, that it's one's choice and right but clearly it is against human nature. They will not admit this. They are in denial... just like the anorexics. I don't blame them. Like I said, they are afflicted by a disease. A mental disorder.

Had homosexuality been viewed with the same perspective and concern as anorexia, it probably wouldn't become what it is now ~ a norm. There would be rehab centres to treat this unnatural preference. People would treat homosexuals with more respect, understanding that they are battling an addiction. And they too, would probably not be as bold as they are now, these homosexuals with all their demands.

But it's too late now.

When will we learn that it is not entirely up to us?

When will we learn that there is a higher power whose do's and don'ts we have to abide by?

When will we learn that freedom is just a word that we humans came up with and perceive it the way we do when God himself does not grant us that privilege?

May Allah guide and have mercy on us all.

When their brother Lut said to them: Will you not guard (against evil)? Surely I am a faithful apostle to you; Therefore guard against (the punishment of) Allah and obey me: And I do not ask you any reward for it; my reward is only with the Lord of the worlds; What! do you come to the males from among the creatures And leave what your Lord has created for you of your wives? Nay, you are a people exceeding limits. They said: If you desist not, O Lut! you shall surely be of those who are expelled. He said: Surely I am of those who utterly abhor your doing; My Lord! deliver me and my followers from what they do. So We delivered him and his followers all. (As-Syu'ara 26 : 161-172)

Do you indeed approach men with desire instead of women? Rather, you are a people behaving ignorantly. But the answer of his people was not except that they said, "Expel the family of Lut from your city. Indeed, they are people who keep themselves pure." So We saved him and his family, except for his wife; We destined her to be of those who remained behind. And We rained upon them a rain [of stones], and evil was the rain of those who were warned. [An-Naml 27 : 55-58]

Tasty knuckle!

2011-10-25T11:39:00.001+08:00

Tasty knuckle!, a photo by Aznin Taridi on Flickr.

In less than a week, he'll be 4 months old. At his last medical check-up 2 weeks ago, he weighed 6.7kg.

He's starting to roll-over by himself now though most of the times, he needs a little nudge. He seems to love rolling over judging from the squeal he lets out every time he manages to do so. If he isn't too tired or bored, that is.

This drool dispenser loves to be in the nude. Take his clothes off and he's all squeals and coos and gurgles.

He's also starting to sleep through the night (thank God!) waking for a feeding only once during the night, if at all.

His favorite person in the house is, unfortunately, not mummy. It's big sister Humaira. She needs only look at him and he'd flash his gummy smile in an instant.

Once upon a time, when he was still in the making, I couldn't imagine what life would be like with him. Now, can't imagine it without him =)

Sound advice

2011-10-18T15:41:00.002+08:00

In not so many words...

2011-09-30T10:10:00.000+08:00

Thought I had more than enough so I gave these away...

Am wondering when I'd have the time again to play with these...

In the meantime, I've started taking lessons...

...and am working on this piece... easy version, of course!

Humaira surprised me yesterday morning. She made her own bed!

She did it again today, so I wrote her a note. Should've added "I hope you keep it up" in there, shouldn't I? *laughs*

How raya went for us...

2011-09-28T14:56:00.001+08:00

Raya family pic, a photo by Aznin Taridi on Flickr.

This is waay overdue but I didn't feel like blogging about this year's raya. Until today. What prompted me is the fact that I have reconnected my Blogger account with my Flickr account and this is just me testing the new connection to see if it's well connected heheh!

While I'm at it... let me just tell you a little bit about how raya went for us.

For the whole family, I think it was ok but for me personally, I thought it was the most depressing raya I've ever had.

We didn't go back to Semenanjung this year as we thought Muhammad was still too young (he was 2 months young at the time) to travel. Knowing how hectic travelling can be during raya, we decided to forego balik kampung this year, for the baby's sake.

Most of our Muslim friends are from Semenanjung and went back to their respective kampungs (some as early as 2 weeks before the big day). And since everyone got a week break for the raya hols, even our non-Muslim neighbours were mostly out of town. And so there we were, just us hanging around in a quiet neighbourhood ushering in the big day. It was so saaaaddd!! For me, at least.

After the preliminary salam-salam, makan-makan, and some picture taking, we started asking ourselves "now what?". The kids were bored and getting a wee bit disappointed I sensed cause they were expecting raya to be like... well... raya the way they knew it, but this was far from expectation. Kesian punya pasal, we decided to pergi beraya to the only person we knew was around... a friend who's based in KL but whose hometown is Miri.

And so, that was the only house we went to. By the 2nd day of raya, we were already at the mall... dressed in our usual casual outfits.

Hopefully next year will be much better, insyaAllah.

The Roots

2011-09-22T19:00:00.000+08:00

The past few days have been days of revelation for me. I learned of my roots. I recently re-connected (thanks to FB) with long lost distant relatives and those I never knew existed. A granduncle had set up a group page called Keluarga Ahmad Melaka Ar-Rawi, the said man being my great-great-grandfather.

Ahmad Melaka Ar-Rawi bin Dato Kaya Andaman (died 1915)
I'm the 5th generation from this man.

This is my great-great-grandpa whose original name was Mohd. Noor. History has it that he hailed from Sumatera but was known as Ahmad Melaka cause he stayed in Melaka for awhile before residing in Perak. He was married to a Sharifah Fatimah binti Sheikh Hassan Al-Baridhuan who's family originated from Saudi Arabia.

I was told that this man wrote a book of his family history, Salasilah Keluarga Ahmad Melaka (the original jawi version is in the safe-keeping of one of the elders in this big family). An excerpt from the book says this about his father (my great-great-great grandfather -- berapa kali 'great' daaa??)

"Dato Kaya Andaman adalah daripada suku Seri Maharaja Lela yang tiada terlarang daripada memakai pakaian kuning kebesaran raja-raja Melayu dan dikatakan memancung tanpa bertanya pada zaman itu. Dato Kaya Andaman memerintah di Tanah Rawa, Pulau Perca, daerah Sungai Renyah"

I can't say I'm proud of the "memancung tanpa bertanya" part but ain't it cool to know this far back into your ancestry?

My great grandfather - Hj. Abdul Hamid bin Ahmad Melaka Ar-Rawi
(1888 - 1957)

My late grandparents Mohd. Noh b. Mohd. Tassy & Aminah binti Abdul Hamid.

This couple here are my grandparents whom I believe were still newlyweds when this picture was taken. I was told that my grandma was quite popular in her hey days due to her fair skin and lovely face. There was a story told to me about her (then still a newlywed) attending a wedding in the kampung but then her presence stole the limelight away from the bride and groom. Pengantin popular gitu. Even until old age, she was referred to by some folks in the kampung as "makcik lawa".

My grandmother - Hjh. Aminah bt Hj. Abdul Hamid

Here's Makcik Lawa again in the later years of her life. As I recall, she was always particular about her appearance. Even at home she was always well groomed. As a young child, I remember finding it hard to pull my gaze away from her cause I thought she was so pretty. I watched her combed her hair, put on her celak (kohl) and a fresh layer of face powder, if not bedak sejuk, in awe.

Once when I was a teenager (probably 16 or 17), my grandma received a kenduri invitation from some VIP and insisted that she wanted to take me and my (late) cousin along. We dressed up to the best of our ability (read: simple baju kurung). She wasn't happy with the result and quickly pulled out some jewellery from her collection of bling-blings and donned them thick, heavy, gold necklaces on our necks. We were so embarrassed because we were sure anybody could tell that those were borrowed cause they were so "fesyen orang tua" like that!

Another time when I refused to wear a necklace she wanted me to wear to a wedding, she commented, "kome ni tak pande beregek! Cuba tengok aku ni... sampe ke tua tau beregek" (You people don't know how to dress to the nines . Look at me, I still do even in my old age.) I guess that's why she was Makcik Lawa. And me, Budak Comot... hehehe!

Some more old pics recently unearthed...

A wedding picture of my grandaunt - Fatimah binti Abdul Hamid
(circa 1930s)

Granduncle Abdul Malik Aini b. Abdul Hamid
(extreme right, hand on his friend's shoulder)
Check out the tall songkoks and the way they wear them. Must be the trend then. =)

No got milk

2011-07-20T16:02:00.001+08:00

When I first found out of my pregnancy last year, I vowed that this time, I am going to breastfeed my baby for as long as I can. Longer than I did Umar, which was only 3 months. I stopped breastfeeding Umar because at the time, I was too tired caring for 2 babies (Humaira was only 11 months when Umar was born) without the help of a maid. I figured that if I switched to formula, The Vampire can at least assist with the feedings, especially during the night.

It was a decision I regret lateron. For no reason other than guilt. Guilty for giving up so easily, so soon. Guilty for not giving my son the milk best for him. Guilty at missing the mother-son bonding time during nursing. Guilt... guilt... guilt!

So when Muhammad was born, I made it clear to the nurses and midwives at the hospital that I intended to breastfeed exclusively. I attempted nursing once, and then went against my word that very night. I was exhausted and weak, all I wanted was a good night's sleep so I left the baby under the care of the nurses at the nursery. They fed him formula. The next night, same.

On the day we came home from the hospital, I couldn't get Muhammad to nurse. He couldn't latch on long enough and kept losing his grip. He'd get a few gulps and then let go and had to try latching on again, which took many attempts. For a hungry baby, this was too much. By late afternoon, my baby was cranky from hunger for he didn't manage to get a full feeding each time, falling asleep instead after just a few gulps of milk. He started to wail like I never heard him wailed before. He was only 3 days old and I was so scared that in my persistence to get him to nurse, I was starving my baby. It was a hot day and I was so worried that I might dehydrate him! *geget jari*

In the end, I relented and fed him formula. My biggest mistake was using the bottle, instead of a feeding cup. (There was no time to find a suitable cup! Or spoon. A screaming baby demands attention at lightning speed, hokay?) After that, getting him to latch on became even harder. At first, I was okay with it... hopefully in time, he'll get the hang of it. So I expressed my milk and fed him using a bottle. But then, as family members came visiting and stayed over for a few days (the last went home yesterday), I found myself busy attending to the guests and not having time to express milk more frequently. As a result, I think my milk supply is dwindling... *geget jari lagi* Now it's a double whammy... not only did I not manage to get Muhammad to nurse, I am even running low on supply.

I can't explain how this is really bothering me. I don't want to be the drama queen and say that I feel like a failure but yet... that's exactly how I feel. It's like not going full circle... or the whole nine yards. It's like an unfinished business.

I did a little googling and found some solutions to get my milk supply back up again and am working on it. Even got a set of nipple shield in the hope that that will help my baby to nurse straight from the source. Need to de-stress too, as a doctor friend said that milk supply in the first 6 months is hormone driven, instead of by demand and supply. She thinks that I am probably stressed. She is right about that.

How not to la? Not enough sleep, not enough rest, lots of bengang simpan dalam hati, body still aching, not much understanding from loved ones, maid giving problems, not even getting proper and timely meals... Endless stress factors!

Again... as I said before... what else is there left to do other than to suck it in and get on with it? Meanwhile, this balloon of unhappiness/grouses/disatisfactions is getting bigger.

Lets just hope it doesn't explode. Or worse, implode. Cause then I can officially be considered MEROYAN!

Huh!

* * *

Baby blues

2011-07-18T17:37:00.001+08:00

18 days old today.

I know I'm not suffering from post-natal depression because spiritually, I feel fine. Absolutely sane. I think this is the beauty of going through confinement without your mom watching you like a hawk and breathing on your neck heheh! But who can deny the occasional pangs of baby blues? Especially when you're exhausted from tending to the baby's every need and deprived of proper sleep. Not to mention the guilt that consumes you at having to unwillingly "neglect" your older kids. Temporarily, no doubt, but still... it doesn't lessen the guilt.

Menu Memikat Mertua [that daging masak hitam
is courtesy of MIL]

And the exhaustion is doubled these few days because the in-laws are here visiting. Not that they're imposing on me cause my in-laws are very sporting like that, but me being me, leaving my guests to literally "make themselves at home" is unthinkable. And that is why, 17 days after bersalin, I marched into the kitchen yesterday and cooked lunch! It may seem like it was a treat for my in-laws, but truth be told, I had been missing my own cooking (vainnye aku!) and cooking under the pretext of doing it for the inlaws scores more points with The Vampire hehehe! Though it left me breathless and sore in all my joints, all that walking up and down in the kitchen, at least I had a satisfying, nutritious lunch. As opposed to lauk beli that I've seriously had enough of! Better tired but kenyang, right?

I didn't expect the baby blues to hit later in the afternoon. It was more like makan hati cause there I was, busy busy busy from the moment I rose in the morning till the afternoon but when the opportunity came for me to take a nap later, The Vampire took that slot and slept for a good 2 hours plus, leaving me with the baby. It totally went against the plan I had in my head all morning. As the afternoon progressed, the more upset I became until finally, the tears fell. Bengkaknya rasa hati, Tuhan saja yang tahu. Yeah yeah... blame it on post-pregnancy hormones but lets face it, men are insensitive! =p

I attempted to make The Vampire see my point later but men! You can shove the point into their throat and they'd still miss it. To cut it short, I just gave up and hoped that tomorrow will be a better day. Easier that way lah!

***

Confinement & sleeplessness

2011-07-16T15:58:00.000+08:00

It's day 16 of my post-partum confinement... or what is supposed to be a post-partum confinement period. I am a little bit sore (emotionally) at the fact that this time around I don't get the kind of pampering and post-partum care like most new moms do... but it's not something that can be helped. We are away from family, there is no reinforcement that can be summoned over to help with the newborn and recovering mom and so what is there left to do? Suck it in and move on! Urgh! I have bibik, of course, but... never mind.

Well, to be honest, my parents did come on the 3rd day after I gave birth but my parents are already in their 70s and therefore, I didn't expect them to be of much help. I'm just happy that they got to see and spend some time with their latest grandchild.

I managed to get Kak Ros, my makcik urut to bathe the baby in the morning but she only agreed to do so for 3 days. After that, I was left on my own. I have bibik, of course, but... never mind.

So by the end of the first week after Muhammad was born, I was already actively moving about the house doing things that need to be done. From bathing the baby, expressing my milk (they are so sore in the morning, I tell ya!), washing and sterilising milk bottles, preparing my own breakfast, cooking the older kids' meals (if The Vampire didn't just buy) etc. Not that I was strong enough or had fully recovered but I had to. I have bibik, of course, but... never mind.

Yes, at times, rasa nak meroyan... but have always managed to pull myself together. Thus far.

For the rest of the family, life with a new family member is still in its transition phase. The kids love their baby brother though sometimes they seem to forget of his existence. Especially so for Umar. I suspected that he was feeling a little 'jauh hati' at not being the baby of the family anymore, and that he's getting less attention from me now than he used to. But that was only in the beginning. After lots of TLC... he's all good now =). Humaira on the other hand, is ever willing to help with anything concerning the baby... even to the extent of changing his dirty diaper. *awwww* But intention and action are 2 different things... as I discovered.

The Vampire and I are still trying to find the perfect balance on how we can both manage our sleep pattern, especially now that he has started work again after a 2-week leave. He needs to get enough sleep in order to stay focused at work (God forbid he makes some million ringgit worth of mistakes from sleep deprivation! *geget jari*) and I need to adjust my sleep pattern to increase my night shift hours and try to make that up with an afternoon nap. The only trouble is, I'm not much of a day sleeper these days so dozing off is pretty difficult. Despite the lack of sleep!

Gotta go. Milk time!

The Arrival of baby Muhammad

2011-07-07T15:24:00.000+08:00

This is just a short entry to announce the arrival of my bundle of joy on 30/6/11. We named him Muhammad. I can't believe that he's finally here considering how the pregnancy (and all the aches and pains that came along with it) seemed endless!

Alhamdulillah, Muhammad and I are both well. I am still recuperating from the afterpains and what-have-yous that came along with vaginal delivery. I'm sore from top to toe, walk like a robot, depressed every now and then but nothing can beat the elation and gratefulness I feel at having been given this little gift from the Almighty.

A big thank you goes to The Vampire for his unconditional love and support.

Later peeps!

What have we been up to

2011-06-11T14:47:00.000+08:00

Hello...

Dah sebulan lebih tak update blog. Bukan taknak update, cause I have lots to write about but more like, takde mood nak update. I had one drafted probably 2 weeks ago, tapi tak publish2 sampai ke hari ni. I can't remember what I wrote and I can't be bothered to check either so biarlah posting tu tersadai as a draft forever.

So here's my random update, whichever comes to mind first.

B'day bouquet & cake

Celebrated my 40th year of life last month... uhuk! When I was in primary school and my mom was in her early 40's, I thought she was old and I remember chatting with friends about our fears of losing our parents. Now I am 40 myself... and do I feel old? In some ways, yes... In some others, no. Ye lah... 40 is after all considered middle-aged kan? So I guess I am neither here nor there. The day itself was a day of surprises. I didn't expect anything to happen but The Vampire surprised me with 2 presents as soon as I woke up, a ring and a bracelet. Hee hee... mak suker! He also had a big bouquet of flowers and a cake delivered that morning, came home at lunch time and we had a little party to commemorate the occasion. A very small scale celebration but it meant a lot. It would've meant a lot more if not for the guilt I felt for not doing the same for The Vampire when he turned 40 in April. Apakan daya bangg... it was just not physically feasible for me.

Yours truly at 33 weeks.

Which brings me to the next update... my pregnancy. I will be 35 weeks tomorrow. Let me tell you, ladies... being pregnant at 40 is challenging, to say the least! At this point, though I don't look like I've gained much, my immobility is making me feel like a beached whale! Mak aaiii... now I totally understand why perempuan yang mengandung is given so many pahala by Allah and why mothers are to be given our utmost respect. I'd be deeply hurt if, after all the troubles I've gone through in the past 35 weeks, my child grow up to be disrespectful and unappreciative of me. At this stage of my pregnancy, I am constantly aching with every movement. There is always an ache somewhere... whether it's my pelvis, my back, my neck, heartburn, headache, the list goes on. There were times when they became unbearable, and thanks to fluctuating hormones, all I could do was to just let the tears flow. Kadang-kadang The Vampire saw me and the only reason I could give was "I just feel like crying..." boo hoo hoo!! Akak sungguh emozeyy kann??

Family pic on our 12th wedding anniversary.

We celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary too, somewhere in time between this blog entry and the last one heh! The plan was to go and have a photoshoot in the morning, then lunch at a 5-star hotel and probably a movie after that. Plan aje lah... cause on the day itself, I wasn't feeling up to it so the plan was postponed to the next day. Sempat jugaklah ambil a few shots when I managed to gagahkan diri to go to the photoshoot. The lunch after that was disappointing however. The service at the so-called 5-star hotel was way below par. There were only 2 tables of patrons at the restaurant and still, they got our orders wrong. They realised their mistake on their own but they failed to inform us that we would have to wait twice longer for them to whip up the correct order so there we were, hungry and wondering what the hell was taking them so long. Rupa2nya, instead of koay teow goreng, they made mee goreng and instead of fish and chips, si bahlol kat dapur tu prepared fish fingers. Kesian budak2 la kan? Kelaparan. And them so stupid, kids' meals came last... despite us ordering from the kids' menu! Ingatkan kalau dah specifically order kids meals from the kids menu, they would've given it priority and prepare yang tu dulu. Mongoks! Tu tak campur my disappointment looking at the size of the fish of my fish & chips. Besar separuh tapak tangan je hokay? And my tapak tangan is really comel, so kalau separuh, bayangkan lah! Of course we complained... harga RM48 but the meal is like food court meal kat Tesco, Ipoh jek! They only compensated with an extra fish and ice-cream for the kids which at the end of the meal, the kids decided not to go for the ice-cream cause dah kenyang.

We didn't manage to watch any movie either cause by the time we got there, I was feeling faint. I insisted on going home, much to the kids' frustration. Sorry la... mama seriously rasa nak pengsan dah! Humaira stayed in protest mode (peluk tubuh, muka kelat) all the way home. Adorable but annoying to watch really.

Ok, what else?

Oh ya... there was a Kids' Carnival sometime in May that we went to organised by the local Kelab Rekreasi Petroliam (KRP). A pretty fun affair, I must say... and easy on the pocket too. For RM15/child, you get a T-shirt, bun and drinks for breakfast, a KFC 2-piece chicken meal for lunch, ice-cream and games to play where the kids collected points and redeemed them for gifts. I'll let the pictures do the talking lah...

That's all, folks!

'Twas a week I'm glad to be done with

2011-04-22T08:04:00.000+08:00

Bismillahirrahmaanirraheem.
Did We not expand for you, [O Muhammad], your breast?
And We removed from you your burden
Which had weighed upon your back
And raised high for you your repute
For indeed, with hardship [will be] ease
Indeed, with hardship [will be] ease
So when you have finished [your duties], then stand up [for worship]
And to your Lord direct [your] longing
(Al-Quran, 94)

As I sit here on this peacefully quiet (except for birds chirping, which I don't mind at all) Friday morning, I can't help but thank Allah that the week that was is finally over. It was a pretty tough week for all of us. Well, okay, except for Umar... who seemed unaffected and unperturbed and possibly unaware of the whole drama. Boys!

If you look at the birthday pictures I put up in my last post, you'd probably noticed that Humaira didn't look very cheerful. That's because she had been unwell days before the party, complaining of blocked nose and how it affected her breathing every now and then. We knew she had to see a ENT specialist but with the party just days away, and her dad being unusually busy at this time of the year at work, we just had to put it off until after the party.

As I had expected, a visit to the ENT specialist 2 days after the party concluded that she needed to undergo tonsillectomy and adenoidectomy procedures as her tonsils were very large and adenoid swollen. 2 days later, by 10am Thursday morning, the surgery was done. For such a simple procedure that took only half an hour to complete, I didn't expect the week that followed to be a very trying time for all three of us, The Vampire included.

Once the anesthesia wore off, she started complaining of pain and all we could do was give her some painkillers and tried to make her comfortable. She was told to drink lots of water and to take cold food including ice-cream and carbonated drinks. To us, this sounded like a good deal. I mean, it shouldn't be too difficult to get a child to chow down on ice-cream and cola right? Besides, we still had a bunch of them left from the party, so I thought everything's good to go. How wrong I was!

She had been coughing even before the surgery, and it got progressively worse however, I believe due to the ice-cream and soda. We did warn the doctor about this but he insisted that it was okay to proceed with the surgery and not to worry. On our part, we were torn between letting her suffer with breathing difficulties and sleep apnea while waiting for the cough to subside; and letting her suffer with a sore throat that hurts (post-surgery) with every little cough. We opted for the latter, hoping for the best... but 3 days following the surgery, seeing our little girl in so much pain and unable to sleep through the night, I regretted that decision.

But what's done is done. All that was left was to help her recover as fast as she can. But that too proved to be difficult. Which child doesn't get all cranky and difficult after days of pain, not eating well and sleepless nights? Even adults can't take that kind of misery. It broke my heart just to see her grimacing everytime she coughed. To see her miserable, so far away from her usual, talkative self. Sehari-dua boleh la tahan tengok... but to see it went on till almost a week... the guilt alone was enough to drag me into the bottomless pit of depression. Not to mention exhaustion.

As for me, by the 3rd day, things started to become somewhat of a daze as I too had not been sleeping and eating well. I had been ignoring my own well-being. By the 4th day, and still deprived of sleep, I thought I was going into pre-mature labour when my stomach started to hurt. But judging from the headache and nausea, it felt more like a gastric attack, and I prayed that that's all it was. By this time, though still complaining of pain, I think Humaira was looking slightly better and I believed, for her, that it was more of a discomfort now than pain. Thank God it was a Sunday so I took the opportunity to stay in bed the whole day, while The Vampire took care of things. Though my mind was constantly thinking of my family, I thought I had to be fair to the little one in my tummy too. I needed to rest and catch up on sleep, while waiting for the gastric pain to subside. To make things worse, I was also starting to feel guilty towards Umar for I felt that he had been somewhat neglected through all these happenings. But such a good natured boy he is, he didn't give us any problems or any indication of him craving for attention. He just went on as usual, seemingly unaware and unaffected.

Alhamdulillah, it's been a week now since the surgery. Humaira is slowly but surely returning to her usual self. Things are starting to fall into normalcy again. All in all, I was sleep deprived for 5 days. For the past 3 nights though, I had been sleeping in a separate room at The Vampire's order, to ensure that I get enough rest. Feeling better and stronger, I even managed to do some marketing yesterday, stocking back the fridge that had been bare of much food for the last 3-4 days. Last night was the first time in a week that we had a proper home-cooked dinner and man... did we stuff ourselves like there's no tomorrow. Sampai "kenyang bodoh" as a friend likes to put it.

I'm ever so thankful to the Almighty that this ordeal is past us. We definitely learned a lot from it though I can't say that I took them all in my stride for I did lose my grip on things at times. I can only hope and pray that He forgives me at times when I was less than a humble and obedient servant.

Waiting for her turn.

Going to OT. Hugging daddy and in tears.

My distraction from worrying too much while she was in OT.

All done. Alhamdulillah.

* * *

And the party was a success... phew!

2011-04-12T14:19:00.001+08:00

I'm a little behind in my blog updates. It has been a very busy week for me... from tending to a sick child, to organising a party and tending again to a sick child who may require a minor surgery by the end of this week. All these and a host of other routine errands... I must say, I'm feeling pretty beaten up right now. Not just tired, but sore as well. From my shoulders, to my back, waists and feet! Nothing that a good massage and rest can't fix but haven't the opportunity to indulge yet =(

You may have read in my last post about my displeasure with a certain furniture/home deco company. 6 days after that fateful call, they rang me up to say that my sofa was ready and that it could be delivered the next day. 6 days! From not having the fabric at all, to a complete "job done" in 6 days! This proved that they could've done it, that there was no excuse on their part. It was just between wanting to do it and taking it easy, taking for granted that that sweet, friendly customer wouldn't mind a little delay. Well, that "little delay" of 6 weeks unfortunately turned the sweet customer into a mad devil from hell to get them to shift gear. I am still a little bitter over the incident for had they kept their end of the bargain, the whole episode could've been avoided. But I guess, what's meant to be is meant to be. I've got my sofa and that's the end of the story. I am never spending a single sen in that shop ever again.

Enough about that. You may have also read about the birthday party I was organizing for my children. Praise be to the Almighty, everything went well. In fact, better than I expected! And that made all the headaches and anxiety worth it! Although Humaira got unwell a few days before the event, and was still unwell on her big day, she held herself well. Everything seemed to come together seamlessly on the day and I couldn't be more thankful. The cakes were gorgeous, the food was awesome, the weather was perfect (it rained the day before and I had been praying hard that it wouldn't rain on the day of the party), all kids were manageable (thanks to the clown and the magic show!) and we adults got to sit and chat and catch up on each other. The Vampire and I thought that we finally "redeemed" ourselves by the success of the event hehehe!

Birthday girl's Barbie cake.
Made by Azreena of http://www.ummilittlekitchen.blogspot.com

Birthday boy's Ultraman cake.
Made by Azreena of http://www.ummilittlekitchen.blogspot.com

Birthday boy shying away from attention. Ehem! That's the newly upholstered
couch we're sitting on.

The youngs and the young-at-hearts.

The 4 of us. Birthday boy so not enjoying being
in the limelight *sigh*

I still have another important agenda coming up and quite possibly a long and stressful week ahead of me but that'll be for my next posting. Right now, I just want to rest and recharge, before the next event unfolds this weekend. I so need to de-stress!

Now where is that spa pamphlet Anne gave me? I heard they have a pre-natal pampering package. Never knew such thing existed! Wheeeeeee!!!

* * *

Peeved is to say the least!

2011-04-01T12:21:00.001+08:00

When I first moved here, a lot of things irked me where courtesy and customer service are concerned. While most people queue at the cashier counter (or wherever people normally queue), it is still common to see some ignorant, selfish idiots cut the queue without batting an eyelid. Selamba rawk gitu! It is also common for shopkeepers and cashiers to not thank customers after a transaction is made. Even worse, I've had a few occasions where they simply slammed the change on the counter, ignoring my already extended hand. And they did this without even looking at me. Sure made me feel like I was begging them for money. Very rude, I must say.

In time, I learned to bear with these little annoyances. They were great annoyances at first, I admit, but I have since lowered my expectations. I have learned to weave my way through 'sunday drivers' who seem to drive like they are taking a tour of the town on a busy weekday morning. I have learned to be a little more patient when I was one of the only few patrons in a restaurant but they still got confused and screwed up my order. I have learned to take a deep breath when I walked into a government office only to see nobody manning the counter at 9.30am! I have learned to deal with these and took them all in my stride.

But what happened yesterday was probably the biggest blow since I stepped foot in Miri. For the first time in my life, I had a salesperson yelled at and hung up the phone on me. Yes, I was the disgruntled customer but I had every reason to be so.

I had visited this chain outlet of a reputable furniture and interior deco company (they have showrooms everywhere in KL) to ask them to do a re-upholstering of my sofa. This was in mid-February, one and a half months ago. After having picked the fabric, they said they would get in touch with me to collect the sofa. One week went by without any news so I gave them a call. They finally came 2 days later, took the sofa and promised to provide me the quotation as they needed to measure the sofa first and determine how much fabric would be needed. At this point, I asked when can the sofa be ready and she said 2 weeks time. Okay, fine.

One and a half weeks later, no news so I called again. The reason they gave ~ the tailor who does all the measurement and price quoting was on leave. Kalau takde tailor, why take my sofa kan? Why not wait till the tailor comes back, then take my sofa? At least I would've had my sofa and not have my kids sit on the floor watching TV. But I didn't utter a word of dissatisfaction. I just told them to get back in touch with me. Which they did 3 days later. After providing me with the quotation, I asked again when can I expect my sofa to be ready. After all, they've had the sofa with them for 2 weeks dah by now. And like before, without a second's hesitation... "2 weeks" was her reply. Okay, still fine. I can wait.

As of yesterday, 3 weeks had passed since that last call. I had given them an extra week. Surely my sofa is ready by now, I thought. So I gave them a call. At this time, I was quite annoyed already because asyik aku je yang call... they never cared to keep me updated! What I heard was the last straw. "Your sofa is not ready yet... we are still waiting for the fabric to arrive from KL." WTF????!!

The reasons varied from "waiting for shipment to arrive in a shipping container", "container left Port Klang last week on the 23rd", "I said 2 weeks from the time we get the fabric", "if you want it urgently why didn't you say so?" to "if you want it sooner, we can get them to courier the fabric but you must pay courier charges".

I say a BIG, BLOODY, BULLSHIT! to all of the above.

Mahal sangat ke courier charges that you can't even bear the cost? It wasn't urgent when you took the sofa in February but after one and half months, and me having a party next week, what did you expect? And nothing was mentioned to me about the fabric having to be ordered elsewhere, let alone us bearing the courier charges if we want it done sooner. I was always under the impression that they had the fabric in their warehouse all along.

I was annoyed beyond words and yes, I pressured the salesgirl into explaining everything and every detail. It just doesn't make sense to me the necessity of making a customer wait longer than the promised delivery time just to save on a little shipment cost. Dah la I was already upset at having to be the one calling and pushing them to move from collecting the sofa, to giving me the quotation and checking on the progress. Imagine my disappointment in finding out that NOTHING has been done yet on my sofa. Work has not started. It's still sitting there idly in their warehouse. I WAS (and am still) PISSED!

So yes, I was very pushy on the phone, I was very demanding, I listed their faults and my disappointments, I raised my voice a couple of times and in the end, I drove the salesperson to insanity. She shouted something like "Ok FINE, take back your sofa...bla bla bla...you scold scold me, not even my fault... bla bla bla... I don't care... yada yada yada..." and then, click! She hung up, just as I was saying "let me talk to your superior".

If you want to know how I felt at the time, I felt like driving straight to the store, douse the girl with petrol and set her on fire. That's what I felt like doing. My super-ego, arrogant side was thinking "how dare you to shout and hang up the phone on me!!". My heart was beating like a bullet train, I was breathing hard, and I felt my muscles tensed. I was so, bloody, pissed!

I managed to pull myself together in the end, but the bitterness is still there. The least they could do is apologise and offer me some sort of compensation. I think, it all comes down to them acknowledging their mistakes and apologising and I'd probably be contented with just that. Rather than them throwing me all these unreasonable excuses. It's that simple.

I can't help but feel that in the end, no matter what happens, I'm still the victim. They will still get their money eventually when the sofa is delivered kan? And me, not even a little compensation. Let alone an apology for all the inconvenience they caused me. Where's the fairness in that?

May you kafir lahanat rot in hell!

UPDATE :
After yet another encounter with incompetency today at the mall, I now conclude that they are everywhere, and all around me. And that some people are just plain, stupid dumbos! Can't even get a simple order of fried chicken right. Waiters screwing up orders are the norm around here. Next time if I want steak, I might just order fried rice. Who knows, they might bring me a lobster!

I'm so NOT lovin' Miri right now!

Rantings of the disorganized organizer

2011-03-28T10:35:00.000+08:00

The last time we held a birthday party for the kids was 4 years ago, when Umar turned 1 and Humaira 2. I'm talking about a real party ~ balloons, party packs, et cetera. I wasn't planning to have another one this year, especially now that I'm 24 weeks into pregnancy, but after countless pleadings and whinings by the little ones, what can I say? How can you not waver from your decision when they keep asking almost on a daily basis, "is my birthday here yet?"? Especially when they have their respective birth dates marked on the calendar and have been counting the days every day?

Well, Umar just had his birthday last week so he has stopped counting but Humaira is counting more fervently now that her brother has got his birthday and she is yet to get hers. I hear "lambatnye nak birthday Maiya...." daily! Ayoyoo... nak marah pun ada... it's only 2 weeks away but 2 weeks to kids is like 2 months kan, so go figure.

We had a small party at Umar's school for his birthday and will be doing the same come Humaira's birthday. I would've just leave it at that. That would be the simplest and most fuss free thing to do, especially for yours truly yang memang tak kuasa nak elaborate2 sangat ni kan? But the thing is, The Vampire too has been bugging me with a "when" question. "When are we going to have our friends over for a makan2?" Not that we never have friends over, we do but in small groups... 2-3 families at once at most. In fact, we have friends over more frequently here than we used to back in KL. But what's bugging him the most is that we never had a housewarming party when we moved here, and we didn't have a raya open house last year because of some unavoidable circumstances. On top of that, we had been attending other people's makan2 and haven't reciprocated some of them yet. He feels this is an obligation he needs to fulfill, and has been pressuring me on this for months.

Petit Clown Nina by Sophie Jourdan

So what better way to cover all these occasions than to bundle them up together into one single party eh? And that's how I end up agreeing to have a birthday bash for the kids complete with a clown and helium balloons with food ala-ala menu hari raya gitu! Lantak la... The Vampire wants this, not me. If it is up to me, I'd just have it at McDonald's!

But what started out as... quoting The Vampire, "kita buat simple-simple je" is becoming a little less simple as the planning progresses. We just wanted to hire a clown at first but has since opted for the helium balloons as well, which required a minimum order of 50 balloons. Ok, just ONE extra thing, takpe lah. And then out of the blue The Vampire started considering a popcorn cart and an ice-cream stall. Hallo?? What happened to SIMPLE?? I had to put my foot down on this one. We don't have enough guests invited to consume enough ice-cream to cover the costs of the popcorn and ice-cream cart. It's just a birthday party, not a carnival lah! We can just buy the ice-cream ourselves and distribute them to the guests, 10 times cheaper! Betul tak? In fact, I think I'll do that... serve ice-cream. Kids will surely love them heheh!

OMG... sungguh memeningkan kepala planning for a party like this. I've got the entertainment part (clown only lah!) confirmed, the catering part confirmed but the cake lady has yet to revert. That alone is enough to trigger my anxiety, although the party is more than 2 weeks away. I need TWO cakes on that day, can she do it? Esp. when kids have their own preferred theme for the cake. What happened to the days when you can simply buy a cake from the bakery? Any damn cake? Adoiihh! *picit kepala* And then there's the party packs to think about. I've had them ordered and will arrive any day now but we've since added a few more guests to the list (2 new neighbours just moved in, both families have at least 2 kids). Looks like I'm going to order some more, with additional items to include in the packs because The Vampire thought that 5 items (not inclusive of chocs, candies and box drink...and helium balloons to take home) in each pack are not enough! Sometimes I can't help but feel that this is more of his dream party than the kids'! Especially when he insisted on the party hats! LOL

I have pretty much forgotten what it's like planning for this kind of thing. I've never been a very organized person, like The Vampire is. If it isn't for him, the important documents in this house will be all over the place, not neatly filed like they are now. So when it comes to organizing something as structured (yes, to me it is!) as an all-occasions-in-one party like this one, I am out of my skin! If we are going to do this again next year, I'm hiring an event planner. I don't care!

Caution : Hazard to Self!

2011-03-25T20:14:00.017+08:00

Confession, I have a very short fuse and I am very much aware of this. Every time this dynamite explodes, you can be sure it'll hurl me high and far into a very, very, veerryy long and intense guilt trip. It'll make me hate myself so much, I don't even want to feel sorry for myself. Even crying from the regret that follows makes me feel disgusted with me. I can't and I refuse to forgive ME. ME is the biggest loser on planet earth who doesn't deserve to have all that she has. ME is unforgivable. ME should live in recluse away from everybody else!

I have been having a lot of outbursts lately. Why can't I just can't pull myself together? I tiny spark will set me off in different directions and I become this mad woman who terrifies everyone. I don't want to blame it on pregnancy. Yes, pregnancy does play around with your hormones and make you cranky but that's all it does. Makes you cranky. Not CRAZY like I was. So what's up with ME?

As I was wondering online today I found this article on human's personality traits. The part in red font describes me to the T!

The Big Five Personality Traits in Psychology
Your Personal Dimensions Affect All Aspects of Life

Your Big Five Personality Traits affect your health, relationships, goals, achievements, professional success, and even your spiritual life. Your whole life is affected both positively and negatively by your Big Five Personality Traits!

In fact, some people believe there is such thing as a "cancer personality." If someone has a cancer personality, it's believed that their characteristics actually create toxins that work against their immune system, leaving them defenseless against certain diseases. Or, they repress negative emotions that create toxins, which can lead to terminal illnesses.Your Big Five Personality Traits don't include the "cancer personality" (if such a thing exists). The fundamental five personality characteristics - called the "Big Five Personality Traits" among psychologists - were once thought to remain the same since childhood. Now, experts believe the Big Five Personality Traits change over time.

The Big Five Personality Traits
1. Conscientiousness. You're organized and disciplined, dedicated and loyal – especially at work. Excellent performances and strong commitments are standard. Of all the Big Five Personality Traits, this one will take you far in your career.
2. Agreeableness. You're friendly, pleasant and easy to be around; your relationships are mostly strong. You're a social creature, and get your energy from being around other people. This Big Five Personality Trait opens many doors!
3. Neuroticism. You feel anxiety, and you worry often. Your anxiety can make you emotionally unstable, and you're more likely to struggle with depression and sadness. This Big Five Personality Trait can lead to physical ill health.
4. Openness. You love adventures and trying new things; you're insightful and imaginative. Creativity adds spice to your life, and you're not afraid to take risks. People with this Big Five Personality Trait are often risk takers.
5. Extroversion. You're assertive, talkative, and don't mind being the centre of attention (in fact, you prefer it!). Being alone isn't your favorite activity; in fact, the more the merrier. This Big Five Personality Trait is found in extroverts all over the world!
Are your Big Five Personality Traits working for or against you? If your personality traits hold you back, damage your relationships, interfere with your work, or cause pain, then you may be ripe for a to make some personality changes!
(Source : http://www.suite101.com/content/the-big-five-personality-traits-a11846)

Neuroticism! Why am I not surprised?

Everyday I fight a war against the mirror. I can't take the person staring back at me. I'm a hazard to myself. Don't let me get me. I'm my own worst enemy. - Pink

Has it been 5 years already?

2011-03-23T16:31:00.000+08:00

My son, Umar turned 5 today =)

Like most mothers I know, I too wonder where have all the years gone. It may only have been 5 sweet years but despite my being a full time mother, I can't help feeling that I have missed a considerable portion of my son's growing years. Especially after going through his album from birth till today... huk! huk! I hate the fact that I had forgotten how he looked in his toddler days. Thank God for photo albums eh? Children go through so much changes in such a short span of time!

Allow me to share some pictures...

Born 23rd. March 2006, at 2.15pm. This is Umar a few hours old.

He's probably about a few weeks old in this picture judging from my ability to be up and about bathing him and so on.

Umar's first hari raya at 7 months old. That's our former maid. When she carried Umar, people thought she was his mother. I used to be quite paranoid thinking that she could run away with my son and nobody would've suspected that it was a kidnapped child heheh!

This is the pic that won Umar the first prize in a photo contest. He was 8 months old.

At 1 year old with his dad.

2 years old - he didn't yet like to take a dip in the pool at this age so he had his own fun by the poolside. This was during our holiday in PD.

3 years old - Enjoying his meal on our vacation in Pulau Redang.

3 years old - have to put this in cause he looks so charming in this shot =)

Still at 3 years old - ok... I'm getting carried away with the pics here... This is him helping out his Tok with the panjut a few days before raya.

4 years old and chubbier!

With elder sis last year.

Birthday boy today. We had a small do at his school today. Just food and goody bags.

Birthday boy with friends.

I have so many hopes, dreams and wishes for my little boy but I can't really put them into words. I just don't know where to begin! So that'll be all this post is about... my boy turning 5. Whatever words and feelings unsaid, let me hold them closely and dearly to my heart... and silently pray for the very best of every good thing for my little miracle.

Mama love you, Umar!

Kids say the darnedest things!

2011-03-11T08:15:00.000+08:00

#1
We were at a restaurant called Saji and Humaira, who has started reading, was looking at the receipt and trying to read:
Humaira : S-A sa... J-I ji... Saji. Mama, Maya tau saji tu apa? Saji tu sejuk!
Me : Itu salji la, bukan saji hahahah!

#2
We were having dinner and my mom was complaining about how hot and stuffy the day had been.
My mom : ...sebab tepi laut ni, sebab tu panas...
Me : ...itulah... cuba bayangkan orang yang keje kat pelantar tu... (referring to the few offshore platforms that we can see from the shore)
Humaira : Mama, Maya tau pelantar tu apa...
Me : Apa die?
Humaira : Pelantar tu roti planta kan? Maya makan kat school!

Kwang... kwang... kwang....

Quick update

2011-03-08T19:25:00.002+08:00

1. Been pretty busy since parents arrived on Sunday. The kids are the most excited. They had been counting the days and on the arrival day, I must've been reminded like 348 times that we mustn't be late to the airport! I was so sick of the "is it time to go to the airport yet?" question that I resorted to threatening them "if you ask me that question one more time, we're never going to the airport at all!". Did the questionings stop? Don't bet on it. Rasa nak tarik2 rambut dah!

2. Look what mom got me as a souvenir from her trip to Bangkok recently. A leather purse. Just what I need! I've been using the old one for the past 6 years, if not more and coincidentally, I have been thinking of getting a replacement. How did she know? Mother's instinct? Yes, it ain't any fancy branded purse but hey... neither is my previous one, and see how long that one lasted? She knows just what I look for in a purse. That purse has lots of pockets and compartments to store the variety of stuff I have... I won't be surprised if I lose my credit cards in there!

3. Five more days to my soulmate's homecoming! Yes, that is less than a week! I'm looking forward to see him again . I pray that all goes well... no delays whatsoever. We have been chatting whenever he could squeeze in some time in his busy schedule. I sacrificed my sleep last night and chatted with him from 4 to 5am. Macam orang bercinta long distance la pulak kan? But that's what it is, isn't it? A 2-week long-distance love affair.

4. I ordered a new "toy" a.k.a. an electronic gadget online today. Asked The Vampire to get one for me but he wasn't too sure that he'd get the right one. Al maklum, some gadgets may look the same but have different features altogether. I called up a few IT shops here in Miri to see if they carry the item but most of them, believe it or not, didn't have an inkling of what I was looking for. There was also the communication problem that made the inquiry doubly difficult. They don't speak fluent English to understand my question and description of the product, neither do they speak fluent Malay as most of them, I believe, went to Chinese schools. Jadilah macam ayam bercakap dengan itik hahahah! However, the sought after item has been ordered, and delivery is expected in a few days time, insyaAllah. Can't wait to start "playing" with it!

5. Pulled out Humaira's loose baby tooth! =) The 2nd one this year. It didn't hurt cause she didn't cry but when she saw blood on the tissue... nangis jugak! Alahaaii anakku...

Tepung pelita disaster - or not!

2011-03-05T16:29:00.001+08:00

Weekend at last!

I had been thinking what would I do with the kids this weekend now that their daddy is away. I was hoping they would sleep-in till a little late - like noon, perhaps? - but they both woke up fairly early, ready to start the day. Kids!

Humaira reminded me of my promise to make her favorite kuih tepung pelita today and that we planned to go out and hunt for some daun pisang for the kelongsong kuih. I wasn't so keen to make the kuih as my past attempts have always been total disasters. See, I learned the recipe from my mom where the measurement is bangsa main agak-agak. There is no explicit instruction of how much of what that goes into where, you know what I mean? But a promise is a promise. I would've just bought them kuih if they are available but this is the type of kuih that you only normally find during the fasting month. Even that, back in Semenanjung. Over here... bayang pun tak pernah nampak, fasting month or not.

So off we went to the market to buy some daun pisang and pandan. On the way back, I decided to make a de-tour and took them to McDonald's for breakfast, just to past the morning away. I never knew McD has pancakes for breakfast! When we got home, I started making the kuih and man... I remember now why I didn't like to make this kuih. Apart from the frustration of it not coming out the way it should, there's the trial-and-error process at the beginning of the steaming process to ensure that I've got my batter to the right consistency. That process alone wasted almost a quarter of the batter! And still it didn't come out as it should! I felt like flushing everything down the toilet.

It was even more heartbreaking when Humaira kept asking whether the kuih is done. She had no idea how frustrating this was for me... even more so to see her full of anticipation waiting for the perfect kuih. Alahaii anakku... mummy tak reti la buat kuih ni... too complicated! Although I managed to finish making the kuih, the result was menyakitkan hati, to say the least. I'm sure she'd be disappointed to see the kuih looking nothing like to the ones she used to eat. All watery and senget-benget. I hope the taste will more than make up for what it lacks in appearance.

Note : I wrote this entry before taking the pic above. When I went downstairs to snap a pic, bibik told me that Humaira had already eaten 4! She loved it. And looking at them again, they don't look all too bad, do they? Tee hee hee! *grin*

^^^

Went out shopping

2011-03-03T18:49:00.000+08:00

Note : This post is more of an update for The Vampire.

Thought I'd go warm up the car's engine today (konon!) so I took myself for a spin. Well actually, I had to go get some new pillows and some bathroom fixtures. My parents are coming this weekend and mom had been complaining about the lack of amenities in the guest bathroom. No hand bidet to wash herself after doing "business" (she had to use the hand shower!) and nowhere to put her toothbrush and hang her towel haha! So, in order not to disappoint the coming guests of honor, off I went today to the only place I know that sells pillows and I believed, had a good collection of bathroom fixtures as well. I thought I saw them the last time I went there months ago.

Though they had quite a collection of pillows, I was wrong about the bathroom fixtures. "Sik ada" katanya. Mana plak aku nak cari kepala paip nih? I asked the salesperson and she suggested a few areas that I could go scout cause she thought she saw a few such shops in those areas. Taking her advice, I drove first through Piasau. Saw one shop that looked too classy. I'm sure the prices match the class too so I drove on. Then I circled Saberkas, saw another shop that looked just as 'high end' as the previous one. Decided not to waste my time and skipped that one too. I then drove straight to Boulevard Commercial Centre and lo and behold, saw a tiny little shop, Home Essentials nestled in a corner behind AmBank.

They have quite an extensive collection of stuff despite the limited space. I got what I needed for all 3 of our bathrooms, at 'best buy' prices *grin* though I'm almost sure that The Vampire will still find them expensive. Takpe lah Yang, balik nanti you tengok eh? See the receipt and see the goods.

After all that shopping, I got hungry and stopped by at a kopitiam for my fill of char koay teow and teh ais. I'd had breakfast of toasts and egg earlier but believe it or not, I wiped out a whole plate clean. Ok la, that's a lie. Almost clean heheh! Remembered to call Voon the Handyman too while I waited for my order to arrive. He promised to come tomorrow to install all those stuff I bought. Ntah berapa pulak la Voon nak charge... But it's ok. He never disappoints. Does a good, clean job every time. Also remembered to tapau some char koay teow for the kids too, which was fortunate cause when I got home, it was almost time for kids to return from school and yet bibik hadn't prepared any lunch. I think it must've slipped her mind or she lost track of time cause she was busy cleaning the fridge at the time. I didn't bother to ask. Maleh!

After seeing that kids have had their lunch, I went upstairs hoping to take a much needed nap. Dah la pulak ter-engrossed with making a new header for this blog. The Vampire sms-ed just as I was about to log off, telling me he was free to chat on FB. Of course, I jumped in immediately! We chatted for about 25 mins. After that, gedebak-gedebuk, tau2 dah pukul 4 petang... too late for me to nap already cause dah masuk Asar. Hmm.... went downstairs and was greeted with a grumbling bibik. She complained about having to keep picking and storing the kids' toys. I was quite annoyed, to be honest. Kuat komplen la dia ni... kalau boleh she wants everybody in this house menyenangkan keje dia. Like before, dek maleh nak konfrontasi, I just told the kids to co-operate with bibik cause she has her points and they need to learn to be responsible too. But really, I am getting fed-up with her constant demand for us to understand her situation, her job and how hard this is for her. I have accommodated her as much as I can but she really is pushing the limit here.

It'll be our 4th night alone tonight. I can't wait for the weekend. Looking forward to having my parents around to distract me a little from thinking about The Vampire constantly. I miss him so much, it aches =(

Because Gayah got it...

2011-03-03T16:11:00.000+08:00

...I thought I wanted to get one too. But instead of paying a pro to do it, I thought I'd just use my own limited Photoshop skills to create one. So how's my new blog header? I know... hudduhh!! But boleh la kan? Considering my knowledge yang belum cukup makan ni kih kih kih!

If you're curious how I did it... wonder no more. Simply go online and download some free Photoshop brushes (Just Google... berlambak-lambak!), load them into your Photoshop program (assuming you already have the software installed in your pc lah...) and voila! Brush away to your heart's content!

I'd love to make mine fuller, busier and livelier but it takes too much time and creative thinking. Both of which I don't have much heheh! So jadi lah for now... not bad kan for a 1st timer?

2 days down - getting easier

2011-03-02T20:58:00.000+08:00

The first thought that came to mind as I opened my eyes this morning was of him. It happened to be pouring outside and gosh... it made me missed him more. I did my calculation and deduced that it was 10pm where he was and decided not to bother him with my sms. Who knows, he could be sleeping like a baby, considering the long journey the night before and that he went straight to the office when he arrived. I was right. He told me later that he had gone to bed at 8pm! So unlike The Vampire. Sah penat gile!

Today has been more bearable than yesterday, I must say. Am getting the hang of it. Of not having him around, of adjusting my routine a little differently to accommodate the current situation. But I think of him constantly. The kids have been behaving surprisingly well in his absence too. I had wrongly thought that Humaira would be the one missing her daddy most but it turns out, Umar has been the one asking about daddy more and longing for him every now and then. I realize now that they are more attached to their father than I had imagined. Must've been the weekly weekends they spend together just the three of them going to the mall, grocery shoppings and playground/gym. See, The Vampire takes them out on weekends to allow me some rest time since my pregnancy entered its 2nd trimester. They look forward to these outings. I know they love it cause it's the time they get to wrap daddy around their little fingers and get what they want. Almost everytime! Yes, daddy is jelly when it comes to his offsprings.

He called this afternoon, when it was 5am over there in Aberdeen. I heard his voice broke after he spoke with the kids. I know he missed them like crazy. For me, it was just a relieve to hear his voice. We had a 40-minute chat on FB later in the afternoon, as he waited for his flight to Amsterdam.

It's 13 minutes to kids' bedtime. They don't seem to be winding down yet... tak tau penat ke budak2 ni?? Still playing toy trucks and buses! I am sooo ready to hit the sack. Nothing to do with me being tired, really. I just want to end the day and move on to the next.

Good night, readers. And a very good night with lots of love to my darling soulmate. I know you'll be reading this.

1 day down. 12 to go.

2011-03-01T19:01:00.001+08:00

Not quite, but almost. It'll be dinner time soon for the kids and after that, they will normally start winding down and be in bed by 9, insyaAllah.

The day started well. Kids did ask for their daddy as soon as they opened their eyes but made no fuss over his absence. It was pretty much the same as any other school day. The usual busy morning getting them prepped up for school. It was only after they had left for school and I was left alone within the confines of my bedroom walls did I start to miss The Vampire. Unless I go out doing marketing or running errands, 9am would normally be the time when I have nothing much to do other than sit back, get online and enjoy a cup of coffee. This daily simple pleasure however, was not felt today.

He left a comment for me on FB last night from KLIA as he waited for his midnight flight which I hadn't seen until this morning. I had gone to bed early, together with the kids because I couldn't bear staying up alone without his company. How large and cold would that couch be without him to snuggle to? Besides, I couldn't hold it much longer and needed a good cry in the dark in privacy. When I saw his encouraging comment this morning on my FB wall, I burst into tears again. Man! Why is this so hard for me ha?? I blame pregnancy hormones for wreaking havoc with my emotions but partly, I blame it on the fact that I know this is hard for him too. You know, that kind of aching you get when you know your loved one is in pain? Like cubit peha kanan, peha kiri terasa kinda thing?

The day somehow cruised by despite the blues. I felt again the pang of his absence later in the evening, at the time when I would normally be busy preparing his dinner and looking forward to his return from work. That didn't last long however, cause I decided to read the Quran instead rather than stare blankly into the TV screen with my mind being anywhere but!

Tonight will be our second night without him. I'm expecting the kids to ask about him every night and missing him more every day. Worse comes to worst, I'll probably make a countdown chart and let them cross the days one by one so that they have an idea when daddy will be home. For now, they seem to be holding it well. In fact, better than mommy! Ciss!

Oh well... 2 weeks may be a long time, but the waiting gets shorter every day, no? If even a little, that is still a comforting thought.

He left barely an hour ago...

2011-02-28T15:46:00.000+08:00

...and I'm already counting the days to his return.

The love of my life is on a 2-week business trip to Britain and The Netherlands. Seeing him off was tougher than I thought. The kids cried and I could only offer a hug with a heavy heart and a lump in my throat. Dared not cry in front of them for if I did, I'd probably cry worse than them. Now they are happily playing but here I am, still tearful and feeling like I don't have the energy to even drag myself through the night, let alone the next 2 weeks!

See, we don't do this separation thing very often. His last trip was 3 years ago. Prior to that, I had always tagged along on every trip he went. When the kids came, he was fortunate enough to be assigned to a post that didn't require travelling except for that one trip he made 3 years ago. This current post he's holding however requires him to travel at least once a year, and since it's only a once yearly thing, you can understand why the duration stretches up to 2 weeks.

I had been dreading this day since I knew about it and it intensified as the day drew near. Now it's finally here, and man... how it sucks! I miss him already. But I keep telling myself that in order to get through what could probably be the loneliest 2 weeks of my life is to think positive and to keep myself busy. Besides, this separation is probably a blessing in disguise. We had a big fight 2 days ago which climaxed yesterday into civil war proportion. We patched things up in the end but still... every war has its aftermath. Maybe this separation will bring us back to our senses. For us to realise how much we actually mean to each other.

I, for one, remember now why I loved him more than anything. And still do.

Perihal nasi tomato

2011-02-22T09:39:00.001+08:00

Semalam second time in my life buat nasi tomato. First time buat tak sedap cause ikut resepi yang pakai tomato sauce. Yesterday, ikut resepi yang pakai real tomato (potong dadu) with tomato paste. Hasilnya sejibik rupa nasi tomato yang sepatutnya, tak pucat lesi like before. Rasa pun pass... paling tidak pun A-.
Nak dijadikan rezeki, all the lauk-pauknya pun menjadi dengan amat sedap sekali hik hik! Dalca sayur + daging, ayam masak merah, and ayam masak kurma. Jelatah (acar timun) bibik yang buat. Frust sebab cadang nak bubuh nenas, alih2 bibik dah makan habis nenas tu the night before. Takkan nak marah bibik plak kan?
Yes, lauknya pelbagai cause anak2 takleh makan pedas, hence the kurma ayam. The Vampire pulak misti nak pedas, hence the ayam masak merah.
Kena pulak dengan pappadam cap unta.... heaven! Just discovered this brand of pappadam. Sedap, serious!
Packed up a serving for The Vampire and sent to his office sebab dia cakap dia sibuk that day, possibly tak sempat keluar lunch. That morning, he only took with him a pack of 4 coconut buns to last him through the day. Kesian la pulak... tu yang masak spesel tu.
Sorry takde gambar cause number 1, malas nak naik atas amik camera in the cabinet. Number 2, sibuk nak ambik anak balik sekolah lagi, nak pack lunch for The Vampire lagi, nak hantar ke opis dia lagi. And number 3, by the time balik rumah, perut dah lapar... tak sabor2 nak makan! Persetankan itu gambar!
By dinner last night, we finished the last morsel of nasi tomato... but today, I am still craving for some. Malas nak buat lagi cause nanti kids jemu taknak makan. Rugi je buat... lagipun The Vampire will be having dinner outside tonight. Something to do with a big boss visiting from some foreign country.
So what to cook today? Possibly nothing. Makan je lah lauk2 belen semalam, ye anak2?

*****

Risalah Hisnul Muslim

2011-02-16T11:42:00.000+08:00

Today, DrMaza.com FB page posted this as its status :

"..ramai yang ingin berwirid dan zikir, tapi sebahagian masyarakat kita tidak mencari ketulenan wirid dan zikir yang sahih bersumber al-Quran dan al-Sunnah..mereka mengambil petua dari guru agama tanpa bertanya asas kesahihan sumbernya..risalah HISNUL MUSLIM oleh al-Qahtani adalah salah satu sumber wirid dan zikir yang sahih yang wajar dimiliki."

This is not the first time that he has suggested this book. In a couple of his ceramahs I saw online, he mentioned about this particular book. So I did a little googling and found this site where you can download it. I just did, it was a fuss-free process.

Thought you might like it too.

http://www.islamic-download.com/books/dua/hisnul-muslim/

Searching for the baker within

2011-02-15T09:28:00.001+08:00

Aaaahahahahahahh!! Waarrghhhhh kah kah kah!

Baik la aku gelak dulu sebelum korang gelak. You know that I am no baker. I cook lauk-pauk and kuih muih but when it comes to anything that involves a dough... it'll be last on my list. Heck, the last time I got tangled up in a mess of floury dough was back in... jap nak ingat... 2008! Yup, I made pizza for my little girl and after having discovered the 'agony' of it... never made another attempt. I resorted to buying instant pizza crusts instead.

It is day 2, and the item is still neatly tucked in its box heheh! Last night in bed, I actually had a tinge of regret. What if I pakai sekali-sekala je nanti? Sure rugi beli kan? Like that deep fryer I bought 8 months ago... baru pakai sekali je setakat ni. It was very convenient frying chicken wings in the bulk when I had guests over for buka puasa that time, but mak oii... banyaknya pakai minyak. Habis one whole bottle just to fill it to the required level!

It was an impulse purchase la this bread maker, I have to admit. The Vampire was probably feeling good yesterday, because I'd just had my routine pregnancy check-up and baby is growing well, although it refused to show us its little pee-pee to indicate us its gender. That 'feel good' feeling must've triggered his generosity and I took advantage of it keh keh keh! Bagus punya bini! What was supposed to be a trip out to buy an air purifier ended with 2 more items on the list... the said bread maker and a hand vacum [Ini bibik yang request sebenarnye...and we obliged. Ye, aku majikan yang baik dan penyabar. Apa saja yang boleh menyenangkan kerja dia ~~dan menyusahkan hati aku~~.]

Back to this bread maker thingy, I am hoping this will not be a wasted purchase. Memang I've been looking to buy one since I came here sebab kat sini tak ada roti Gardenia or High-5. There are many bakeries but I only know a few halal ones. Out of the few I know, only one makes loaf bread yang sedap. [Dense enough that it's still soft when you toast it. Kalau yang lopong2 tu bila bakar jadi keras... selalu cheap ones are like this]. Recently however, the bakery's branch that is nearest to my house (tu pun kena drive jugak about 6km) tutup la pulak for renovation! So to avoid having to drive an additional 6km to the other branch, buying a bread maker seems like a reasonably good idea... *sambil tenung kotak bread maker trying to believe this statement myself*

We'll see how lah...

****

Love from my love

2011-02-14T20:05:00.001+08:00

Posted on The Vampire's facebook status today :

"Nervously accompanied (my name here - tagged) ultrasound this morning, Alhamdullillah, so far so good ♥ ♥ on this special day (Valentine's Day to some), I recalled OUR song, the one you dedicated me years ago, just before our wedding day, appreciating the challenges you're going through this pregnancy .. & yes, I needed you ♥ ♥"

Big, big smile on my face heeeee.....

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Dasar pompuan tak tau bersyukur!

2011-02-13T11:26:00.001+08:00

Warning : I am venting my anger here. If you don't want this to affect your good mood, day, etc., don't read.

Lantak la orang nak cakap apa, I am bloody pissed off with my maid! Dasar betina bodoh tak ngenang budi, tak tau bersyukur.

She's been with me a month now and throughout that one month, I had only been observing her work and pointing out only a handful of times of the things that need improvement. She had 2 years experience prior to this, also in a Malay household of 4 kids, where both parents are working. She was paid RM500.

This morning was the 1st time since she came that I had a talk with her on what aspect of her work that needs improvement, particularly when it comes to cleaning. I'm not fussy, I don't expect the house to be absolutely dust free, I don't expect her to scrub the floor on her knees, and I don't expect things to be where they should belong all the time. I understand that these are unreasonable expectations.

But despite her sweeping & mopping the house everyday, I have observed a particular spot on the floor untouched, cause the same disgusting piece of hairball and blob of dust have been there for days. I have come across a supposedly clean wok I was about to use for cooking to be still dripping with oil on the bottom. I have, many times, found spoons and spatulas having specks of food and oil on them. I showed these to her and put them back in the sink for rewashing. But despite that, the habit continues.

This morning, after a month of observing, I have decided that it is time to confront her. I understand that she is still considered new (despite the 2-year experience), therefore my intention was simply to point out what she needed to improve on. So I told her that I notice that her cleaning is quite sloppy, and that she needs to pay more attention. This is to avoid her having to do the same work twice ie re-washing, re-sweeping etc because I will make her do it again. I also said that with the increase in salary that I am giving her, I expect her work to at least be on par with my previous maid who was paid less.

My maid ni memang sejak memula datang lagi cakap berdegar2. That she had had a few job offers but she accepted mine sebab konon kesian. And that until now, the offers are still coming in. I seriously believe these are all bullshit claims cause when I took her, her visitor pass had only 10 days left to expiry and she was still jobless. If she had had so many offers, why took the trouble to come here to Miri when she was already in KL when all the offers were pouring in? She was desperate for a job, that's the truth to the matter, no matter what she claimed!

Anywho, considering she'd had the experience, we offered her RM700/month salary (The Vampire baik hati nak bagi RM850 but I said not yet, tengok dulu macamana...). Experience kepala hotak! I know for a fact that she used to care for 4 boisterous kids, makan minum sakit demam everything! Not just kids, the entire household, in fact, even preparing all the meals for the entire family. Tapi kalau tengok kerja... she must've not learned anything! Cakap je berdentum-dentam, boasting here and there.

Tapi boleh tak... when I confronted her, she said "please don't compare me with your previous maid. I am me, she is she." Hoi! I have every right to compare so that you live up to my meager expectation cause I'm paying you your salary, stupid biatch! And she went on to complain that the other family who had offered her a job earlier "ada prioritas", meaning they wanted her to jaga anak saja, no housework. Hahahaha! Rasa nak gelak besar. I happen to know that family cause they were my neighbours. Dream on, woman! You think a family of 3 kids with both parents working will be happy coming home to a messy house, no meals on the table, kain-baju tak berlipat, bergosok... and pay you to live there makan pakai tanggung for RM700 a month?? Ko bongok ke hapa??

If I can't compare you to my previous maid, how about you comparing me with another employer? One that you don't even know yet pulak tu. Kalau compare with previous employer... let me tell you how good she has it here...

More pay with less work. I do most of the cooking. Kat sana she cooked for all meals for the whole family. Kat sini die paling korok pun buat breakfast je, tu pun kadang2. If she cooks for lunch/dinner, it would be because it's something she herself wants to eat like tempe, pucuk ubi etc. I let her cause nothing wrong with that kan? We all have our cravings at times.
Even though my house is 2-storey, she only needs to concentrate mostly on the ground floor. I told her atas tu seminggu sekali sapu and mop je cukup cause the kids spend most of their time downstairs. Since the kids sleep with us, we have 2 unused rooms and 1 unused bath upstairs. The last time she cleaned the bath upstairs was a few weeks ago. Master bedroom and bath are only cleaned when I tell her to... probably about once every fortnight or longer. Other times, I maintain them myself, cause I'm very protective of my privacy, like that.
The moment she came to my house, she has been treated like one of us. She's free to chat and joke with us laki-bini and that's what she's been doing sometimes to the point sampai I myself naik meluat sebab gelak kuat2. I know some male employers bercakap pun tak mau dengan maid tau? With her previous employers, dia nak bercakap pun takut.
Yes, I scold my maid sometimes. Ade ke superior yang tak marah anak buah dia? But when I scold, I leave it at that. I don't hold grudges. I only want to get my point across. Once you get it, it's back to normal. I don't offend when I scold, and I don't attack personally. I only focus on the issue at hand. That's it. With her previous employer, kalau marah bangsa bagi silent treatment for days sampai nak bertanya hal-hal kerja pun susah sbb she wouldn't talk. Which one is better?
My kids have been toilet trained by age 4, unlike her previous place where the kids kencing tilam tiap2 malam. No wonder la I always saw them wash comforters every day! My kids don't demand her attention all the time. They have ME, their mom to bother at home. But, of course, being the majikan... when it comes to tending to their needs yang macam2 tu, I'd rather let bibik do it. Nak ice-cream, nak buah, nak milo, basuh berak etc... bibik la buat. What are bibiks for, ek? Bukan ke itu termasuk job spec bibik?
By 9:30pm every night, she retreats to her room and comes out at 6am the next day. And we, being the understanding employers, don't bother her anymore within these times. Previous work place she only went to bed only after all 4 kids have slept or sometimes, after majikan balik kerja, no matter how late that was. On average, she went to bed at 11pm.
I have always been considerate. When I see her tak menang tangan, I help even when she insists she's got things under control. When I cook, I clean up as much as possible afterwards probably just leaving the bigger pots and woks for her to handle. Not all the time, but most of the time. Tengok keadaan. When I have guests over for a makan2 session, I always help her clean-up after the guests leave... and if it's late, I just tell her to leave everything and sambung esok je lah. I don't like eating up the time that should be rightfully hers, which is her bedtime. Her rest time.
On Sundays, we normally take the kids out and told her to rest. Jangan buat apa2 hari ni, rehat. Anything you want to eat, cook. Anything you want to watch on TV, go ahead. She has the entire house to herself. Apa lagi nak? Yes, you probably notice that this entry is posted on a sunday. I am home today, but the kids are out with their dad tengok wayang. I pun nak off time from the kids jugak! But I leave my maid alone.

Now, can somebody tell me, stress sangat ke kerja kat sini?? Tak cukup considerate ke I ni as her employer? Is it wrong for me to want to make the money I pay her worth its value? And more importantly, to ensure that I pay it sincerely, bukan half-heartedly?

When I told her all these things in our long conversation in which she only tunduk and sobbed, she kept quiet. Angguk pun tak, geleng pun tak. Bila suruh jawab, diam 1000 bahasa. Serious rasa nak tonyoh2 kepala die sebab nak make sure ni orang ke tunggul kayu? I told her that I prefer to keep communication open so kalau apa2 tak puas hati, say it. Bila bagi peluang, tak cakap pulak. Kalau borak kemain lagi macam2 cerita keluar. Mongokss!

I told her that no matter where you work, you will never find a place where you are 100% satisfied with the situation, and I will never find an employee I am 100% satisfied with. You have issues with me, so do I with you. That's life. Life's not fair. You want fair, tunggu akhirat! What we can do is to try and work this out as much to our satisfactions as possible. You need to focus on the positives as well and count your blessings.

I mean, really... count your blessings. I've seen maids yang tiap2 pagi lap kereta majikan (most have 2), yang job scope termasuk gardening, taking care of family pets, and 1001 tasks in between. Compare to all that, she's having a ball here! For us to limit her job scope to only those within the house... tak giving priority ke namanya tu?

"Prioritas" kepala hotak dia...

Not quite self-sufficient yet

2011-02-10T11:59:00.000+08:00

Picture of my newly planted plants. See the calamansi leaves (foreground) dah kuning!

Today, after months since I moved here, I finally got the gardener to plant trees in my garden. He planted 2 mango trees, limau purut (kaffir lime), limau kasturi (calamansi) and karipullay (curry) plants. I am so relieved because the plants have been sitting there at the corner of my backyard in their black bags for months! In fact, the limau purut and karipullay are probably at the end stages of dying hahaha! Pak Mat the gardener thinks they might take time to grow or even not at all, but he planted them anyway. I hope the new breathe of life will coax them to grow.

Next in my list of plants to grow are pandan (screwpine), kunyit (turmeric), cili merah (red chilli) and cili padi (bird chilli), to name a few. I'd like to grow kantan (google yielded 'torch ginger' as the english name for this plant) as well for the flowers, but they tend to grow too tall and too fast. I don't want to end up struggling with a jungle of pokok kantan in my backyard! So for this one, I will just have to contend buying them from the market yang kadang-kadang ada, kadang-kadang tak ada and yang selalunya bunga dia dah kembang semangkuk. Pelik la... Sarawakian masak pakai bunga kantan kembang kut....

The reason I'm doing all this is because I want to have the convenience of getting my supply of herbs for cooking right there just a few feet from my kitchen. Sure, I can always buy them but you know how they sell them at the market. Secekak gedabak (here in Miri la) they sell for RM2 when you only need to use sepelepah (a stem) or two only. What happen to the rest? They just rot in the fridge. So I basically paid RM2 and used only about 20sen worth. Tak baloi kan? Imagine everytime nak masak kari seperiuk kena bayar RM2 just for the daun kari... ish ish ish... *geleng kepala*

***

The F word

2011-02-08T14:04:00.002+08:00

Pada suatu hari, saya merasa sangat, sangat jelak dengan people's obsession with the word "FUCK". It's a bad, ugly word and it stands that way. What used to be the acronym for "Fornicating Under the Consent of the King" (ntah ye ntah tidak... tak kuasa akak nak find out) is no longer an acronym in today's usage but a stand alone word to mean what we know it to mean today. It's a profanity.

I'm sure you've met people who uses the word (in various forms) in almost ALL their sentences. "What the f*** are you doing la, bro?", "I was just minding my business and then this f***ing idiot came and bla bla bla...". Sedap ke bunyinya tu? Disrespectful, if you ask me. But these people bangga siot! Mongoks!

And then there is this company who thought it would be cool to name their clothing line as FCUK. Like, seriuosly? I'd be offended if somebody I know comes up to me wearing a cap with "fcuk" written in big, bold letters on it. In fact, it happened once. It was a family gathering and I thought it was very rude of him (ada la sekor mangkuk hayun tu) to sport the stupid cap in the presence of atuks, aunties, uncles and children. Ye, adik2... defend la brand tu... konon it's an acronym for French Connection bla bla bla. Lets admit it, ada tak sesiapa yang tak toleh 2 kali masa first time ternampak brand tu terpampang in a public place, sila angkat tangan? My point exactly. We took second glances because we thought "betul ke word lucah ni tergedang kat tempat awam camni??" We read it as "fuck" first, before we saw it as "fcuk".

I was doubly disgusted recently when I found this site while surfing around for a children's online game site for my 5 and 6-year-olds. I sendiri pun termencarut waddafak?? Come on la! Dah takde hurup lain dah dalam dunia ni? This a site for children la you stupid, testosterone laden jerks! Can't imagine my daughter who's learning phonics at school applying her knowledge here... "fuh! aa! kuh! faaak..." Horror!!

Dalam pada tu, ada plak sang bapak kat FB ni put this up on his status:

Some clarification: FUCK is not a bad word. It's n acronym for Fornicating Under Consent of King. In the olden days, u need d consent of King to copulate.

BUGGER however IS a dirty word or at least was used to describe a (then) dirty act, ie sodomy or anal penetration.

I still say it's a bad word. Period. ~~And I need to get if off my vocabulary too.~~
.

Why oven anyone told me?

2011-02-05T15:09:00.002+08:00

Did I tell you about my confusion with the oven in this house? Gayah recently inspired me to bake some bread pudding so after having had the oven thoroughly cleaned (never used it since I moved into this house) the day before, I whipped up my favorite concoction of bread pudding. But when it came time to heat up the oven, I realised that I had no clue as how to turn it on. I had always thought it was electric but there wasn't any iron coil the way electric ovens should have.

Mula lah mak gelabah... camno nak buat ni, roti dah terendam dalam bancuhan custard, just waiting to be baked. Bibik suggested the microwave (which on hindsight, I should've heeded) but I chose to steam instead. Konon pudding kukus la tuh! After 15 mins, I didn't see much improvement so we transferred it to the microwave. 10 minutes on high and voila! Siap jugak my bread pudding but way too dry for my liking.

Back to the oven, I finally figured out that it is actually a gas oven. I thought they don't exist anymore! But they do. And here in Miri, it's the better option because natural gas is dead cheap. We average RM3 monthly. Once I even called the gas company because I suspected there was a leak in my gas pipe cause the bill came up to RM2.90. With all the cooking I do almost everyday, takkan la RM3 je sebulan kan? Indeed, there was no leak, and the billing was right.

Back again to the oven (sheesh!), although I figured out it was a gas oven, I still couldn't light it, thinking in this modern times, surely there must be some mechanism there that will make the process easier. Can't imagine reverting back to the ol' light-a-match-and-hold-it-close-to-the-burner-till-it-catches-fire. Gile nerve-wrecking! An oven's burner is not like the normal stove burner hokay? They're huge and ignites like whooshh!! I know cause back in my childhood days I used to help my mom ignite her gas oven and got my thumb burnt in the process one time. Well, actually it was just a quick "lick" of the fire but I was 8 or 9, it was a big deal. I thought mom didn't care if I'd lived or died, as long as she got to bake her raya cookies. (Emo!)

Anywho, (lets retrace my steps back to the oven story...sorry...) I wanted to call my landlord to ask him but it was just a couple of days before CNY and I didn't want to be a spoil sport. A friend suggested that I look for the manual online, since the landlord didn't provide me with any. So I went but no help there either. Finally, my friend herself came over, took a look and came up with a verdict I didn't want to hear.

"You have to light it with a match. See this hole here? And this embossed figure that resemble a match? That's where you ignite it" What?! No built-in igniter? Mampos aku. This is a nightmare!

That was 2 days ago. Though I have a list of food I crave to bake (lasagna, cream puffs, baked macaroni...haih!), I have yet to muster the courage to light the darn thing. Got to check the if the fire extinguisher works first! (Read : Paranoia)

It's about feeling special on that ONE day of the year

2011-01-30T10:09:00.001+08:00

BFF called me last night, meluahkan segala perasaan yang berbuku di hati from A to Z. Ni lah kalau dah berbulan2 tak borak, we were on the phone dari like awal maghrib sampai nak habis maghrib. She thought she called me before maghrib, she didn't know that maghrib over here is one hour sooner than semenanjung. Sebelum timbul buruk sangka dan fitnah, no people, I did not miss my maghrib prayer pbbthhh!! =p

Anywho, among the many grouses she brought up was one that happened on her birthday just a few days ago. This being her 40th year of life, she expected darling hubby to at least make a little fuss over it, if not a big hoo-ha deal. She was expecting him to start at least, by being the first one to wish her happy birthday at midnight. But what happened instead? Mamat tu berdengkur dengan selamatnya hahaha! While he was happily dreaming, her friends had already started pouring birthday wishes on FB. BFF was so kecik hati that she cried buckets that night.

I asked her what the big deal really was about cause after 12 years of marriage, you should get used to these kind of things by now. She said the problem was that last year pun dia lupa nak wish and that BFF on the other hand, always took the trouble to stay up till midnight just to be the first to wish darling hubby on his birthday. And that he never used to be like this. Dulu before kawin he would take all the trouble sending her flowers and stuff.

I let BFF poured her heart out, all the while thinking to myself that this really is just small stuff that one shouldn't sweat upon. But much as I try, I couldn't help but relate the situation to myself maka terjadilah perbualan between The Vampire and I that night. I told him that in the 12 years that we've been married, I don't think I ever recall receiving any birthday present from him. He stopped what he was doing (FB-ing!) and menung sekejap and then he said, "I belikan you jam..." Hokkayy... that was not a birthday present, that was a gift I got for giving birth to Umar, 5 years ago. Which means, the last nicely wrapped gift I got was 5 years ago.

Then he went, "I belikan you camera..." (2 years ago). I think he totally missed my point. It's not the item that is in question but the way you receive it that makes it meaningful. When I bought that camera, I had to call a few shops just to find out of its availability (popular model) and ended up having to wait a few weeks before I can really get my hands on one. It would've been much more meaningful had he been the one hunting for it, wrapping it and making it look festive and then presenting it to me on my big day.

I told him, not that I'm complaining, cause I am grateful for everything but sikit2 ada jugak la rasa envious when I see my sis-in-law tiap2 tahun dapat a bouquet of flowers and a gift from my brother. And that my cousin yang baru form berapa entah dah merasa pakai beg tangan berjenama and here I am with a brand XYZ tucked under my ketiak. "I nak beli, you taknak..." was his quick reply. Of course la taknak when I had to choose between a Nikon and a Burberry! Cuba kata "okay Yang... this year kita beli camera dulu, next year kita beli something else pulak kay?". For sure I'd be sporting a Burberry already by now heheh!

And then bermulalah tazkirah malam Ahad,... "alaa Yang, is that how you measure happiness? material things?" Ke situ pulak peginya padahal he knows that's not the case. "I've given you a big present already by allowing you not to work. That's like having a birthday, every day." Dia cakap macam tu, boleh?? Adehh...

And then he went to mention all the things I have and that while I envy others, others are envying me too. Did I say that he is missing the point completely?

It's not that I want somebody else's life, or what everybody else have. I'm happy with mine, I'm grateful for what I have. It's not about owning and possessions. It's about feelings.

How special am I to you? How important am I to you? Would you be willing to go out of your way just once a year to show me these things? To make me see that I am the queen of your heart? Do you appreciate my contribution in making this relationship, and family work for us? I know you do, but just once a year, present this appreciation to me with a drizzle of chocolate syrup, whipped cream and cherries on top. Must there be a trade-off? (Refer Nikon vs. Burberry ngeeeehhheee!)

Don't give me that "flowers don't last" excuse lah... I honestly don't care. It doesn't cost that much pun. What is RM120 when it brightens one's spirit for the whole day, probably overflowing to the next few days everytime the eyes catch sight of the bouquet on the table? Tu tak campur lagi the lovey-dovey feeling it invokes between the giver and receiver, which might trigger a domino effect, ending with "fireworks" at the end of the day, if you know what I mean *wink wink* I mean, it's a small gesture with lots of positive effects. Any gesture will do, in fact, as long as it makes me feel special. Surprise me.

I'm a housewife. I don't have a yearly appraisal to measure my worth to the company, and be subsequently rewarded. I don't have superiors and co-workers to compliment me on jobs well done. I don't get a service award every 10 years for my contribution. Sometimes, I want to feel that I am doing something that benefit others, that I am worth something to the "organisation" and that my contribution helps make the "company" grow. In the corporate world, would you be happy if these are not happening to you?

Of course, I only say these things here in my blog. I stopped trying to make him see things the moment the tazkirah started. I don't want to be isteri yang meminta2 although I feel what I'm asking is just scrap compared to what he is capable of giving. He sees my requests in terms of monetary value, so what can I say.

I guess, as long as he loves me...

Do you feel sorry for these kids?

2011-01-28T10:47:00.000+08:00

There are 4 of them, all still in primary school.
They have a kind father but a workaholic mother. She leaves the house early in the morning and comes home at night. Sometimes, late at night. There were times when she doesn't see or speak to her children for days due to this routine.
The task of raising the kids is left to her husband, and the maid. Since the husband is also a working man, the maid is left with the bigger chunk of the task.
These 4 children are so used to instant, processed food, they do not eat rice. Mom buys instant, frozen food in bulk and that's the kids' main staple. They don't drink plain water, only sweet drinks.
The kids are so deprived of attention, all 4 of them have not been fully toilet-trained. They pee and defecate in their pants, and keep on doing whatever they're doing until the maid comes and get them to clean up. Fyi, the eldest is 11, youngest is 7. If they pee at school, they just ignore it until the pee on their clothings dry up by itself. Up to 2 years ago, the 2 youngest ones were still wearing diapers.
The 3rd child has started stealing at school. She stole an ice-cream, when in fact, the freezer at home is loaded with them. What do you expect when your dad works for a food manufacturing company?
They are hyper-active and spoilt. Mom and dad buy them expensive toys, and replace them promptly when broken. Mom and dad are probably trying to make up for the lack of time they spend with their kids.
They seem fearless and out of control. It is common to see them run out of the house into the streets, with the maid chasing after them, fearing for their safety. They behave only out of fear for when dad loses his temper, he hits them with a belt. So they lie their way around to avoid severe punishment.

I shed tears for these poor kids. Their behaviours are clearly a cry for attention. You wouldn't know how dysfunctional this family is by just looking at them day in, day out. They look just like any normal family.

Please pray for them even if you don't know them, cause I do. And it breaks my heart that there is nothing I can do to make things better for these poor children.

May Allah protect their innocent hearts.

Back on wi-fi

2011-01-24T12:17:00.000+08:00

Our wi-fi router went bust last week. Having had the convenience of wi-fi at home for the past years, going on cable suddenly felt so passe. There is only one spot in the house that would enable me to get connected and it is within 2 meter radius of the modem, cause that's how long the ethernet cable is. It was a very uncomfortable spot... no couch, chair or bed within reach. So, like any internet addict, I resorted to setting up a camp on the floor. Mattress, check! At least 3 comfy pillows, check! A small table to put my notebook on (my collapsible wooden rehal for Quran reading works perfectly!), check! But still, nothing beats the freedom of having wi-fi. Heck, you can go online in the bathroom while sitting on the "throne" if you want to, kan? Not that I do it, just stressing my point.

And so that was how I sent The Vampire out for wi-fi router hunting yesterday and he came home with a newer, upgraded model than our previous one that claimed to have a "Quick and easy setup" and that "In a matter of minutes, you'll be up and running...". Quick and easy my foot! It took me 2 hours to figure out why despite the successful installation, I still couldn't connect wirelessly. Why was there no mention of the security code and that I needed to put that in?? Saja je bagi orang naik darah pagi2 kan? Man, I was so close to bashing the router on the wall...

But thank God, that is all settled now. I will never, ever under-estimate the convenience of a wi-fi router ever again and never will I mess with the settings ever again to the point of rendering is unusable. Err... yes... I was the culprit to the demise of the old one, but you're not telling The Vampire about this, are you?

Got it maid

2011-01-13T09:34:00.005+08:00

Alhamdulillah... I am again, humbly grateful to the Almighty for His endless generosity towards me. I am truly, truly humbled and deeply ashamed. My doas have been fulfilled countless times, despite me sorely lacking in my responsibilities and obedience towards Him. Astaghfirullah...

My current maid is leaving soon as her contract expires this month. Initially, I didn't want to hire another maid thinking that now that my kids are of schooling age, I can better manage things myself. Maybe hiring a cleaner to come 3 times a week would suffice. The plan was scrapped when I learnt of my pregnancy and so my housemaid hunting adventure began.

I called my agent, I asked around, I even consulted my parents if they know anybody who imports housemaids. As my maid's last day drew nearer and still there was no inkling of any available replacement, I started to become anxious. I find pregnancy a little challenging this time around, probably due to the age factor, which is why, I desperately need help at home.

Suddenly, lo and behold, my maid informed me that Fatimah, the maid who used to work next door from us back in KL is looking for a housemaid job. Her contract had expired a few months ago and she was back in KL on visitor pass. When I offered her the job, she said she was also considering another offer that came from another neighbour. I thought, esehmen... surely she'd choose the job in KL cause it would save her the trouble of travelling to Miri, tui dak? She said she wanted time to think so I gave her 2 days.

I didn't have high hopes cause from my point of view, the odds are against me. But I did say a doa that went something like "Ya Allah... if this maid is good for me and my family, please make it easy for me to obtain her and please protect us from evil" lebih kurang camtulah. The very next day, she confirmed her agreement to work for me. Alhamdulillah!

I proceeded to book her flight ticket to fly on the following day. Actually, I wanted her to come on the same day, if at all possible and she agreed but dah la pulak she had no money at all to pay for her taxi fare to LCCT. So I postponed the flight date so that I can use the extra day to figure out how to send her some pocket money. Finally managed to transfer some money through somebody else's bank account. All these I did with only 50% confidence. I mean, she could've decided not to come at the very last minute but took the money anyway, could she?

Again, all praise be to Allah... we fetched her at Miri airport last night dengan selamatnya. My kids are already familiar with her so there was no awkwardness. And they have also stopped whining "taknak bibik baru... taknak bibik baru..."

Phew!

***

Farewell Fahiza

2011-01-12T16:09:00.002+08:00

On Nov 19, a friend posted this on her FB status:

"every story has it ending, how will mine end? confirmed on mon cancer spread to brain. in hospital undergoing treatment. hope for hope to have an extended healthy life. Amin..."

Yesterday, less than 2 months later on 1.1.11, I received news of her demise. She left behind 2 beautiful kids age 4 and 3. Tell me if that doesn't break your heart?

Al-Fatihah for arwah Fahiza bt. Basir.

I'm at a loss for words...

***

Miracle in progress

2011-01-11T11:57:00.003+08:00

To be completely honest, up until yesterday, I was still having serious doubt/disbelief about this baby I'm conceiving. It was difficult enough to chew on the fact that I am actually pregnant, given my history of infertility. Let alone believe that the fetus would actually survive this far. I'm into my 2nd trimester now.

I admit I didn't put any hope or expectation that this pregnancy would work out, at least not this far. I told myself that if the inevitable happens, I'm okay with it. That I have no regrets. Not that I had been trying anyway. So there would be no difference. After all, the 2 that I have now is already a mountain of blessing, the way I see it. I had none for years but was suddenly blessed with 2 in the span of 11 months. What more can I ask for? It is as good as it gets for me, alhamdulillah.

I have been feeling my tummy every morning, trying to detect a bump to convince myself that this is real. Of course, being this early in pregnancy, there's no obvious showing yet, especially when lying flat on my back. Somehow, deep, deep down, there was a tiny part of me that up until yesterday, was still hoping that this was not meant to be. There was a faint cry in my head secretly praying for that. I couldn't go through another round of sleepless nights and limited freedom. I didn't even bother to eat and rest well as any expecting mother should be doing.

But yesterday, everything changed. And I'm saying this with tears in my eyes. I had an ultrasound done yesterday. Clearly saw the baby's hands, and legs, and heart beating... How can I not want this baby now? I'd done an ultrasound twice before but the baby was still an embryo, not much to be excited about. But yesterday... I saw it turned and moved, as if showing me all its perfectly formed body parts. I could even see its face! Subhanallah...

See for yourself =)

So here I am, finally swallowing the fact that I am very much pregnant. Somebody slap me for my hard headedness! I'm looking forward to this now and unlike the weeks before, I am taking care of myself now. No more coke, no more coffee (errr... try dulu eh?) and no more junk food. For I am expecting nothing short of a miracle! =)

I'm probably the subject of her status update today

2011-01-05T14:08:00.001+08:00

I believe, if you are too blunt with your words, you need to check your friends. See if they are real friends, or if they are just being nice so they don't become the receiving end of your poison tongue. They take your side not because they give a damn. They are merely protecting themselves from your wrath (which comes easily), which could result in them becoming the subject of your rant on your FB status.

I have a low self-esteem and seldom see myself better than the next person. Therefore, I rarely dish out advice to other people unless I think that person can take the advice. Not necessarily heed it, but take it open heartedly in the spirit it is given. This, therefore, only happens to those people I consider friends. Those I dare not advice, I will bear with them as long as I can and when I've had enough, I will quietly retreat. That's just me, that's just how I am.

I've dropped a few people in my FB friends list. Reasons are various... people I know but were never friends with prior to FB, vulgar language, jealousy on the part of my other half, etc. I, too, have had the experience of being taken off someone else's list. Out of these few people, only 1 person I liked enough that I bothered to ask why I was taken off her list. She stated her reason, I extended my apology and the FB friendship was restored.

I, however, recently "de-friend-ed" her. Only because I couldn't go on reading her status updates anymore. She asked so I told her that those people she's been trashing are not my enemies. I did not de-friend her because I thought I was better than her, like she claimed. Like I said, I seldom see myself better than anybody I know. I have my ugly sides, I have my weaker points, I have my dark secrets and yes, I too have a stack of dirty laundry. I'm aware of all these things. I'm not a saint.

She didn't have to write what she wrote in her mail to me. For someone who talks about justice, respect, doing the right thing, responsibility bla bla bla in her updates, what she wrote wasn't fair, in my opinion. It was uncalled for. Don't dig up my past and throw it in my face just because I want a better future. I thank her for highlighting her "jasa" to me, though I don't appreciate the sarcasm. The least she could do was respect my decision for wanting to protect myself from inadvertently involving myself into someone else's personal turmoil. I don't want to know the personal things she's been publicising.

Simply put, I'm just trying to minimise my sins. I don't want to know things I don't need to know. I'm sorry that she took it personally.

Why don't my kids like pancakes???!!

2011-01-01T10:54:00.000+08:00

Eversince a friend posted a picture of the pancakes she made for her kids a week ago, I had been wanting some myself. But I refrained from making them because I know my kids do not like pancakes like most kids do. Takut nanti I'd be the only one eating them. Tak seronok kan makan sorang2? But I gave in to temptation when I went grocery shopping 2 days ago and found myself buying the necessary ingredients including the best butter I could find in the store and pure maple syrup. I was hoping that the maple syrup will do the trick with my kids.

And so, on this new year's day morning, I whipped up a batch of pancakes. Imagine my disappointment when Umar merely took one bite and refused to eat anymore. I coaxed him, okay la, I didn't actually coax, I threatened him into eating the rest of his pancake with threats like "kalau tak makan tak boleh ikut mama pegi e-mart hari ni..." (ayoyo... bad parenting!) to which he reluctantly sighed, "ho..kay...lahh...". But even that didn't work, he still couldn't finish one piece which clearly means HE DOESN'T LIKE PANCAKES.

Bibik had been telling me this but I have to admit, I was being stubborn and adamant that he only needed to give it a chance. Ye la, baru masuk mulut dah luah, tak kunyah pun mana tau sedap ke tak. Memang nak naik darah dibuatnya when here I was trying to pujuk Umar to give it another shot and there she (bibik) was menyampuk non-stop telling me that "..ini dia sudah luah la Bu...tak mau..." Diam je la and let me at least try! I was annoyed that she was indirectly giving my son ideas on why he doesn't like pancakes with the things she said so I snapped at her and told her to shut up. Sibuk!

I was already feeling a tinge of anger at this point. Penat je masak but kids taknak makan, siapa tak geram? And bibik sabotaging my attempt to coax Umar made the anger worse. Forget Maira, langsung sesuap pun taknak! In the end, I had to relent and agree to their request for nasi goreng. I let bibik make the nasi goreng. I was too jauh hati to make it for them. So they prefer bibik's nasi goreng sambal hangus (cause she never learned to control the fire preferring to always cook with maximum heat no matter how many times I taught her... what a dope!) over my fluffy but crispy on the edges pancakes topped with butter and maple syrup.

I wonder if this makes a good reason to cry cause I need one.

Happy new year, everyone.

Sombong!

2010-12-27T15:02:00.000+08:00

That's it! Malas dah aku nak jadi good and caring towards other people. Some of these idiots don't appreciate sincere advice. Umur dah dekat setengah abad pun pe'el macam budak mentah. Cuit sikit je melenting. Padahal nothing offensive in the teguran, just a simple, straight-forward reminder. Kut nak kata terima kasih ke, hapa ke...haramm! Kite pulak dimalukan in public. Setan! Go then... go follow your path to hell!

Hmmph!

Since you last heard from me - Part 2

2010-11-23T16:10:00.000+08:00

Continue...

3. My Newest Baby - the Nikkor 24-70mm f/2.8 ED. I had been dreaming of owning this lens for 3 years. The Vampire finally gave the green light to proceed with its purchase setelah yours truly dengan jayanya menunjukkan tahap kesabaran yang tinggi. The reason it took him so long to approve this purchase is because this lens cost somewhere in the region of RM6.7k. I knew this was too much to ask, so I never insisted. I just made it clear that it would probably stay on my wishlist for a long time. And for a long time, that was the only item on my wishlist! So serious was I to own this baby that I declined his offer to buy me a Coach or Burberry handbag. Mak bukan minah handbag/kasut hokayy? I've never owned a handbag (or shoes) that cost more than RM300. Think I'd be savvy toting the RM3000 one? Don't think so. Takdak gaya lah! Lagipun, I live in Miri... takde maknanya beg RM3000 tu! So anyway, I might've finally owned the lens but have yet the chance to go out and fully 'play' it. Blame it on the morning sickness. Timing baik kan?

Oh by the way, I managed to buy from the distributor, thanks to a fellow photographer friend and got it at almost RM1k cheaper...yeay!

4. Au Natural Diet - I am now trying to enforce a as-natural-as-possible diet in this household. This too stemmed from reading the Halal Haram book that I mentioned in my previous post. Mak aii... reading about all the chemicals manufaturers use in their products really opened my eyes. Nothing goes to waste for everything is money to them. Thus even wastes are reprocessed and become by-products... including blood from slaughterhouses. Have you ever wondered how they dispose the blood of thousands of slaughtered animals? They don't. What they do is that they turn the blood into blood-plasma powders (renamed into some fancy name that has no link to 'blood') which a lot of food manufacturers use as cooking agents for various purposes. Can't remember exactly but nanti lah, I might go through the book again and let you in on it.

So I now try my hardest to limit usage of processed food in the house. I've started buying organic chicken and fresh organic milk. Mahal sikit, but at least they don't contain perservatives or the animals given hormone shots to encourage growth. And the milk actually taste good too. I've been taking the milk for a few weeks now and I'm starting to notice that my skin is actually nicer now. It's probably pregnancy glow too, wallahu'alam!

5. Vacation! We've booked a trip for next month, before I knew I was pregnant. Now I'm hoping that I'd feel much better for the trip when the time comes. For now, I'm feeling a little nervous because I'm still in the early stage of pregnancy, and have been feeling rather tired and a little under the weather. Hope things improve by next month, insyaAllah.

That's all! Cheers!

Since you last heard from me - Part 1

2010-11-22T22:11:00.001+08:00

Sebenarnya, terlalu banyaklah kejadian2 yang berlaku kebelakangan ni that I wanted to write about. I had a mental list, but by now, the list has grown lebih-kurang sama panjang dengan my monthly grocery list that the task now seems pretty daunting. Which do I write first? The 9-day-depression episode, the halal make-up I've been meaning to write a review about (for free, mind you... this is not an income generating blog!), the new lens that I had been dreaming of and now own (ngeeeheeehehe!!), and on and on... and on.

Anywho, in no particular order... my life's drama since my last update:

1. The 9-day Depression - without doubt, the WORST 9 days of my life eversince I stepped foot in Miri! Started on the day the pregnancy test kit came out positive. I had an anxiety attack that lasted for days and it went on to drag me into depression. Bukannya tak bersyukur, people... but this was totally unexpected. Totally! Conceiving the first time was difficult. Took me 6 long years. I didn't think it was going to happen ever again, considering I was never the queen of fertility. My first delivery was quite traumatic, and that pretty much made the decision to not have another baby easily in the affirmative. It was this that triggered the anxiety attack. The fear of going through another episode of such terror. I don't think I'm up to it.

But God has His plans. Frankly, I am feeling apprehensive with God's generosity towards me of late. I hadn't been particularly good but He has been bestowing me with rezeki after rezeki, masyaAllah. Not just ordinary rezeki but windfalls of sort. Surely this is a test. A test of which I pray He will guide me through and make me pass with flying colors. A test that, I hope, will erase my sins. Honestly, I am scared.

2. The halal make-up - I bought a book recently titled Halal Haram - A Guide by Consumers Association of Penang. After reading that book, I never looked at consumer goods the same way again. I am now a more concerned buyer where the halal(-ity?) of ingredients are concerned. From food, to toletries, to make-up. I'm telling you, my concern now is waaayy beyond E-471. If you really care about your food, you will find that there are very few items on the supermarket shelves that are completely halal, even those with the halal label. Well, we know this already, don't we? Anybody can print the Halal label so long as they don't get caught.

Thus began my quest to buy only 100% halal products. Not easy, but I'm trying my best. Those I don't manage to find, I do without. I know, some people may say, buat apalah menyusahkan diri... kalau dah ada tanda halal tu, halal la. To this I say, to each his own. What I read and learned made such an impact on me that I vow to be extra vigilant in my buying sprees. Some ingredients that I thought were completely halal turned out to be derived from non-halal sources and that pissed me off to a certain extent. Cuba bayangkan kita pakai bedak yang tak halal and bawak solat?

In one of my quests to find halal make-up, I found the brand Samina, originated in the UK. Of course, doesn't sound as chic as Dior or Chanel but what's important here is that it is certified as halal. You'll probably say, macamana boleh yakin halal? Go read their mission (and the halal accreditation) la, then you'll see what I mean. They even took the trouble to explain the ingredients they use in their products. I bought the Starter Kit Set and I must say, I love the foundation and powder. Better than my Dior compact (yang beratus2 hengget tuh!), seriously! Doesn't look 'cakey' and muka nampak macam glowiiing je... I'm definitely a fan.

And for lipstick, I found halal lipstick produced by a Malaysian company called V2 Cosmetics. Unfortunately, they do not have a dedicated website. I bought mine from one of the many online shops. Cost me a whopping RM16.50 heheheh! To think that I had been buying Dior and Shiseido lipsticks yang beratus2 RM each.... *geleng kepala*

Alahai... baru item no. 2. Banyak lagi nak citer ni but it's getting late. Nanti lah sambung ek?

Dream come true...

2010-11-15T16:32:00.000+08:00

This was on my wishlist for 3 years. Finally owned it today =) *doing my happy dance*

Having mixed feelings about this...

2010-11-14T07:52:00.000+08:00

15 ANUGERAH ALLAH PADA WANITA TIDAK PADA LELAKI.

2010-10-28T11:01:00.000+08:00

Copy-pasted this from Facebook. Good for my own self-motivation =)

1. Pada suatu ketika di Madinah, Rasulullah s.a.w. keluar mengiringi jenazah. Baginda dapati beberapa orang wanita dalam majlis tersebut. lalu Baginda bertanya, “Adakah kamu menyembahyangkan mayat?” Jawab mereka,”Tidak” Sabda Baginda “Seeloknya kamu sekalian tidak perlu ziarah dan tidak ada pahala bagi kamu. Tetapi tinggallah di rumah dan berkhidmatlah kepada suami nescaya pahalanya sama dengan ibadat kaum orang lelaki.

2. Wanita yang memerah susu binatang dengan ‘Bismillah’ akan didoakan oleh binatang itu dengan doa keberkatan.

3. Wanita yang menguli tepung gandum dengan ‘Bismillah’, Allah akan berkatkan rezekinya.

4. Wanita yang menyapu lantai dengan berzikir akan mendapat pahala seperti meyapu lantai di Baitullah.

5. “Wahai Fatimah, untuk setiap wanita yang mengeluarkan peluh ketika membuat roti, Allah akan membinakan 7 parit di antara dirinya dengan api neraka, jarak di antara parit itu ialah sejauh langit dan bumi.”

6. “Wahai Fatimah, bagi setiap wanita yang memintal benang, Allah akan mencatatkan untuknya perbuatan baik sebanyak utas benang yang dibuat dan memadamkan seratus perbuatan jahat.”

7. “Wahai Fatimah, untuk setiap wanita yang menganyam akan benang dibuatnya, Allah telah menentukan satu tempat khas untuknya di atas tahta di hari akhirat.”

8. “Wahai Fatimah, bagi setiap wanita yang memintal benang dan kemudian dibuat pakaian untuk anak-anaknya maka Allah akan mencatit baginya ganjaran sama seperti orang yang memberi makan kepada 1000 orang lapar dan memberi pakaian kepada 1000 orang yang tidak berpakaian.”

9. “Wahai Fatimah, bagi setiap wanita yang meminyakkan rambut anaknya, menyikatnya, mencuci pakaian mereka dan mencuci akan diri anaknya itu, Allah akan mencatatkan untuknya pekerjaan baik sebanyak helai rambut mereka dan memadamkan sebanyak itu pula pekerjaan jahat dan menjadikan dirinya kelihatan berseri di mata orang-orang yang memerhatikannya.”

10. Sabda Nabi s.a.w. : “Ya Fatimah setiap wanita meminyakkan rambut dan janggut suaminya, memotong misai dan mengerat kukunya, Allah akan memberi minum kepadanya dari sungai-sungai serta diringankan Allah baginya sakaratul maut dan akan didapatinya kuburnya menjadi sebuah taman daripada taman-taman syurga dan dicatatkan Allah baginya kelepasan dari api neraka dan selamatlah ia melintas Titian Shiratul Mustaqim.”

11. Jika suami mengajarkan atau menerangkan kepada isterinya satu masalah agama atau dunia dia akan mendapat pahala 80 tahun ibadat.

12. Wanita yang menyebabkan suaminya keluar dan berjuang ke jalan Allah dan kemudian menjaga adab rumahtangganya akan masuk syurga 500 tahun lebih awal daripada suaminya, akan menjadi ketua 70,000 malaikat dan bidadari dan wanita itu akan dimandikan di dalam syurga dan menunggu kedatangan suaminya dengan menunggang kuda yang dibuat daripada yakut.

13. Semua orang akan dipanggil untuk melihat wajah Allah di akhirat, tetapi Allah akan datang sendiri kepada wanita yang memberati auratnya iaitu melabuhkan pakaiannya di dunia ini dengan istiqamah. Dunia ini adalah perhiasan dan sebaik-baik perhiasan ialah wanita (isteri) yang solehah.

14. Salah satu tanda keberkatan wanita itu ialah cepat perkahwinannya, cepat pula kehamilannya dan ringan pula maharnya (mas kahwin).

15. Sebaik-baik wanita ialah wanita (isteri) yang apabila engkau memandang kepadanya ia menggembirakan kamu, jika engkau memerintahnya ia mentaati perintah tersebut dan jika engkau bermusafir dia menjaga harta engkau dan dirinya. Maksud hadis: Dunia yang paling aku sukai ialah wanita solehah.

Wahai sekalian manusia! Bertakwalah kepada Tuhan kamu yang telah menjadikan kamu (bermula) dari diri yang satu (Adam) dan yang menjadikan daripada (Adam) itu pasangannya (isterinya iaitu Hawa) dan juga yang membiakkan dari keduanya zuriat keturunan, lelaki dan perempuan yang ramai dan bertakwalah kepada Allah yang kamu selalu meminta dengan menyebut-nyebut namaNya, serta peliharalah hubungan (silaturahim) kaum kerabat; kerana sesungguhnya Allah sentiasa memerhati (mengawas) kamu.

An Nisa 1

Borderline patience

2010-10-25T12:59:00.004+08:00

That black border around my images is bloody annoying! I'm putting up with it while I figure out a way to get rid of it.

HTML is soooo complicated!!

~ Update : YEAYY!!

Silly Taiping girl

2010-10-22T16:05:00.002+08:00

Image from my Flickr

I got a little bored today and went through the picture files in my computer. I do that every now and then, just to look back on the past year or so and see what I'd done, and where I'd been. One of the things I love about digital photography is the exif data that comes with every image. You can easily look at the date and know when exactly the shot was taken. For someone like me, who never bothers to keep tabs on the dates of historical events in my life, this feature is God-sent!

The picture you see above was taken on March 19, this year. It was taken during breakfast, at the Kama Lodge Resort, Taiping. I was born in Taiping, and though I left this peaceful town more than 22 years ago, I always have the urge to go back there every few years. The craving for Karim's popiah, koay teow Doli, that little cendol stall I know not the name of but makes the best cendol in town, the pasembur at the casual market, bomba yong tau foo... all these beckon. I become like a homesick child who longs for her mother. I have to go back.

And so it was for this particular trip too. It was just a weekend trip, too short a time to devour all the food that I craved but hey, at least I covered my favorites... yong tau foo and cendol. In fact, I went for the yong tau foo for 2 nights in a row. Hambik kau!

On the particular morning this shot was taken, we were getting ready to check out and head back to KL. My dad took this shot. That was just me trying to annoy him with a silly face, but he pressed the shutter a little too soon. Or else, you would've seen the full extent of my sillyness... heh!

Here, not there

2010-10-19T08:38:00.005+08:00

Image by Eats Shoots & Leaves

I've had some people asking what happened to my blog since they don't see the URL on my Facebook profile anymore.

Well people, the blog still exists but the URL has been changed and no, I'm not sharing it with you anymore. If you find me, you find me. If you don't, go read someone else's blog lah heheh!

For me, blogging is an outlet for my thoughts and feelings. Macam cliche jek bunyinye ni kan? But isn't that the reason why most people blog anyway? Especially me, yang sunyi sepi terpinggir di kepulauan Borneo ini...owhh... And I'm better at writing my words down than to verbally express them.

I can't let people I know (esp. family) read my blog anymore. Because my rantings are open to all kinds of interpretations. Knowing my very "caring" family... words will soon be passed around and then voila! You have a scandal! Takmo aku!

For now, I'm happy with the company of strangers, and probably a few other bloggers whom I've never met but are no longer strangers to me. Itupun, if they find their way here lahh... Gayah was the only one notified of the URL change, yang lain tu... I believe they'll soon show up.

Strangers read without prejudice. And that's all I ask, really.

Bra shopping

2010-10-16T09:46:00.001+08:00

Image by jonathanbennett120

After having procrastinated long enough, I finally went to the mall yesterday to get myself some new bras. I haven't bra-shopped for awhile, mainly because I felt guilty spending quite a bomb the last time I bra-shopped only to realised later the bras weren't as comfortable as I thought they were. Yes, I did try them for like, what...10 seconds? Who would've thought that it was going to feel like a straight-jacket after 1 hour? So I never wore them again and reverted to my old bras, wearing them out even more, to the point of no return heheh!

And so I set out yesterday determined to find myself comfy bras that can last me a few years, at least. I don't know who needed the bras more, me or The Vampire cause he seemed more excited than I was, choosing and suggesting which ones he liked. But all his suggestions cannot use one! Too lacy, too bimbo-like, in my opinion. On the other hand, the ones I picked were deemed "macam makcik la..." by my 4-year-old Umar. Hello?!? How could he know this? Must check back on my parenting method lah...tsk!

In the end, I settled for something in-between. I discovered also that I now wear a C cup, instead of the usual B. Waaahh! I felt good for awhile but then remembered that I read somewhere that these bra manufacturers purposely alter the sizing to make you believe that your boobs are bigger now. Ceh! But still, there's no need to let The Vampire in on this. He's just happy that I'm now a C kih kih kih... men!

And man... can these bras really push them babies! Even Pamela Anderson will envy my cleavage hah!!

What I like may not be good for me

2010-10-14T08:35:00.002+08:00

Image by alshepmcr

If there is something else I love next to photography, it will have to be doing business. I'm not talking about big endavours and investments. No, nothing of that sort. I'm talking about small scale businesses, just selling things among friends and family. In fact, I started doing this eversince I started working after my studies. (Lets not go back to the time I sold stickers in school!) I had sold kain ela and brooches at the office. These things sold like hot cakes among the female staff, I tell ya!

I knew very well when I jumped into it, I wasn't going to make huge profits and become rich. I just did it because I loved doing it. For me, it was fun while it lasted. Or, while the stocks lasted heheh! And then it was back to normal, until I decided to start again and sell something else, or restock and sell the same stuff. It was nice chatting with other staffs discussing about my merchandise while we sat for lunch in the office (we used to tapau food and ate in a group...jadi ala-ala party tupperware giteww...). It helped me got to know more people at work, people I might never have spoken to if not for them coming to check out what I had to sell.

Of course, there were people who commented "berapa sen sangat dapat duit?" but really, it wasn't about making money. If I covered my costs, that was good enough for me. If I made a little profit, then yeay! and I gave myself a pat in the back. Simple as that. No worries, no headaches.

So based on this past experience, I thought I'd jump into the online biz bandwagon, just like everybody else. I still don't believe in all those "buat duit dengan hanya login facebook" crap, no matter what people say about it. I wanted a real, tangible business. One that I am directly involved in. In other words, no gray areas lah! So I started a blog and started selling staff I can easily get over here. Things were getting on pretty well initially. Although I was having a little bit of trouble adjusting my schedule between my new business and my family and everything else in between. And then, while surfing the net, I discovered dropshipping.

Basically, Wikipedia says, Drop shipping is a supply chain management technique in which the retailer does not keep goods in stock, but instead transfers customer orders and shipment details to either the manufacturer or a wholesaler, who then ships the goods directly to the customer. As in all retail businesses, the retailers make their profit on the difference between the wholesale and retail price.

Sounds pretty easy peasy kan? There are companies specialising in dropshipping like Shopster and Doba, where they pool wholesalers and retailers together to take advantage of each other. I can have hundreds of products in my online store and not have to stock a single item! And that was how I spent 2 days setting up an online store (nasib baik I used a 15-day free trial software!), after I had found myself a wholesaler to be my dropshipper. And my product of choice was going to be *drumroll* imitation handbags! My research shows that they sell like hotcakes. Although I wouldn't be caught toting a fake bag, I thought selling them wouldn't hurt. Right?

Wrong!

This is me. Nin! The one who has the ability to conjure up a thousand thoughts and issues over a single minute matter. I have a conscience that screams in my head when my actions and principles collide, when heart and mind are not on the same page.

And thank you Allah Almighty for that.

I wasn't too sure about selling fake goods. That's the same as selling pirated DVDs. I keep having image flashes of my head superimposed on a pirated DVD seller's body...scruffy, boroi and all...euww!

I wasn't too sure about dropshipping either, because The Vampire puts it as "untung atas angin". Tak sedap jek bunyinya...

I thought and thought it over...

His Almighty's intervention was subtle, yet timely. As I was reading a magazine, I found a hadith Rasulullah s.a.w. that says, "Jangan kamu jual sesuatu yang tidak kamu miliki" (Riwayat al-Tirmizi dan Ahmad)

Admittedly, I can come up with quite a few explanations to make this work for me and that this hadith may not apply to my situation. But who am I kidding?

It is direct. It is crystal clear. "Do not sell something you do not have" Makes sense, doesn't it?

Thank you God the All-knowing, for saving me from what's unknown to me.

So after much thought, and after my short stint as an online biz owner... I have decided it's just not for me. While I loved doing it, I had a nagging feeling that I was beginning to shift my prioritites a little bit. Stealing time here and there at the expense of my loved ones. There are people who can juggle 1001 things at once and still come up sane and sober. Hats off to them for I'm definitely not one of them.

There must be a reason for this. And I'm okay with it. I'm good.

Please excuse me now, I'm going to the beach to meet a friend and enjoy some popiah goreng and iced lemonade!

I was right underneath the fireworks!

2010-10-04T09:31:00.001+08:00

Image from my Flickr

I didn't shoot this. Hubby did.

I had decided not to take any firework shots on this occasion because I felt that I was too near the action and it was impossible for me to incorporate anything else into the image, a building for example. So I put my camera down and decided to just enjoy the fireworks.

I must say I didn't regret my decision cause the show was awesome and being directly underneath the fireworks made me felt like I wasn't just watching the action, I was IN the action. MasyaAllah! It felt like it was just me, the sky and the fireworks. The loud boom-booms helped to filter out any other sounds and all I did was immerse myself in the moment. I was glad I didn't watch it through the viewfinder because so close was I to the action that my vision field was entirely of the sky. I don't think I would've enjoyed in without my peripheral vision LOL. It really felt like the fireworks were made just for me!

I was doubly glad that Hubby did take a few shots (well actually, he took lots but without a tripod...well, you know..,). At least, I have something to remind me of the 10-minute moment of bliss I had on that beautiful night =)

It's that time of year when...

2010-09-07T10:12:00.000+08:00

I'd be spending hours packing and making sure I don't miss anything, to ensure a smooth and stress-free balik kampung trip
My anxiety is at an all-time high because 'stress-free' is what I work to achieve for the rest of the family, not me. I, on the other hand, absorb all the stress and turn into lady frankenstein.
I get the opportunity to hold lots of crisp, new notes... before giving them away.
I go bonkers in trying to decide which baju raya to bring and which to leave behind. This only happens when I don't have new ones because if I do, it'll be a much easier decision.
Item no. 4, three more times, for each family member. You think they want to go through all the trouble ah?
I'll be running here and there doing last minutes errands. I should be running now but I'm putting it off another hour... blog dulu.
I'll be humming raya tunes to myself... alternating it with hollers of do's and don'ts to the kids. See, they get excited just from the sight of the suitcase leaving the storeroom and start to misbehave... lompat sana-sini, kejar-kejar, etc. Haih!
I have this last minute urge to do laundry because I don't want to come home to a pile of unwashed clothes. Trouble is... sometimes they don't dry in time and I have to hang them inside. You can't always win.
I look forward to meet up with family members in the kampung.
I clean up my camera and lenses to shoot during the festivities. Family picture is a must!

Malang tak berbau

2010-08-30T16:21:00.001+08:00

Image by Daniel Y. Go

I think I have mentioned in my writings once or twice about my lack of co-ordination when it comes to my motor skills. I can't really dance to the beat, I can't swim, heck! Even when I clap my hands I sometimes miss. In simple terms... I'm a klutz. I have paid the price for this quite a few times. I have cut, burnt, hit, poked and even bit myself on a few occasions but I survived. And thank God, I survived the last one too.

How it happened...

I was looking at myself in the bathroom mirror as I washed my hands and thought that I probably needed a haircut. I wanted to run my wet fingers through my hair, macam nak adjust-adjust rambut gitu. As I was about to do so, my fingers (on their way up) got caught in the spectacle I was wearing and before I could stop myself... yeowww!! I had carelessly shove the nosepad, that little thing on your spec that sits on either side of your nose, right into my left eye.

Although it hurt, I thought it wasn't too bad and that it would get better in the morning. It was already 10pm, siapa pulak nak pegi hospital memalam buta kan? I just wanted to go to bed. The next morning, although I felt some discomfort, still I thought I was okay so I went about running errands driving here and there. Nasib baik la dah sempat sampai rumah when the pain suddenly came and man, it was painful gile babiiss hokaayy?? So painful in fact, sampai telinga pun berdesing.

I was left with no choice but to call The Mr. to come home a.s.a.p. and take me to the hospital. I left the hospital looking like this...

What happened was that I had a corneal abrasion, which by the way in case I failed to mention, hurt like hell! It felt like there was a sharp foreign object swimming around in my eye. If that's not enough, it also felt like my eye was constantly roving. Pening dibuatnya. I was so miserable and needed to take painkillers every 4 hours. I didn't sleep well...how to? Roving eye! But alhamdulillah, things got progressively better on the 3rd day. It's been 6 days now. There's still a little discomfort but I believe, that too shall pass.

Time to cook for buka posa!

Virtues of Ramadan - Sheikh Yasir Qadhi

2010-08-15T12:57:00.002+08:00

The Neighbour's Kid

2010-08-12T20:41:00.000+08:00

Image by Knee Deep Photography

He's only six. He comes often. At inopportune times mostly. And refuses to go home even till dusk. I've had to coax him to go home a few times. Today, I'd had enough. He came at 1pm, and stayed glued to the computer playing online games. Till 4pm. He didn't even played with my children, who was so excited at having a friend over but ended up playing with each other anyway. I admit, I was a little bit sore about that. Even sorer cause he made them missed their afternoon nap.

But the boy's not to be blamed, for he is after all, a child. I wondered if his parents even cared that he was not at home. I've seen him all around the neighbourhood, cycling, or at the playground at times when most children are safely indoors. Sometimes, I saw him playing at the construction site and I prayed that he doesn't get hurt from sharp objects.

So I made a call to his mother.

Me : Hello... is this Madam C?
MC : Yeeesss...
Me : Madam C, it's me, Aznin.
MC : Oh hi Asleen... how are yeww?
Me : I'm good, thanks. Ermm... I'm just calling to let you know, in case you're wondering, that Caleb is over here, at my house.
MC : Oh, isn't it?
Me : Yes, he's been here since one o'clock (hint! hint! that was 3 hours ago, kau perasan tak? ini nap time anak aku la!)
MC : Oh *laughs* I thought he at Jasper (senang kan biar je anak orang lain jaga... takyah bayar babysitter!)
Me : No, he's here. I'm just letting you know, in case you're worried about him and wondering where he might be. Because as you can see, it's pretty dark outside...( it's going to rain la pompuan! don't you care where your son is??!)
MC : Oh yeesss.... maybe I will come by and pick him up later (did you say maybe?)
Me : Ya, ok. Just letting you know.
MC : Yes, thank you for telling me.
Me : No problem. Bye-bye.
MC : Bye-bye.

"Later" as Madam C promised, was way too late. I waited 15 minutes and finally lost my patience. So I told the boy to go home. More like talked him into going home. As nicely as I can, of course. Kang die report plak kat mak dia tak pasal gaduh plak kang kan?

Don't know what I'll do if he shows up again tomorrow. Maybe I should kidnap him for real, teach the parents some lessons.

A day of 'firsts'

2010-08-12T08:11:00.001+08:00

Image by this guy

This Ramadhan marks our first Ramadhan in Miri. My 2nd experience in life berpuasa di perantauan... although Miri-KL tak lah jauh mana. I doubt if it's considered 'perantauan' pun considering it's still within Malaysia. And that I'm actually at 'home'. This is where I go home to. Ok, first Ramadhan in a new place.Whatever. Movin' on...

As usually the case, the beginning of Ramadhan for me is the time for ambitious resolutions heheh... I resolve to seize the abundance of blessings in this month, I resolve to tidak membazir, I resolve to stick to a healthy and nutritious diet, I resolve to do this, I resolve to do that... So it is no surprise that I get into the same habit this year ~ making Ramadhan resolutions! It's quite a list, actually, but I'm not sharing them here ~~in case I backfired on myself given my past records~~ because some are rather personal, to avoid menunjuk2 giteww....

First day of fasting was only as eventful as it being the first day, nothing more. No crashing the pasar Ramadhan (truth be told, after having gone through countless disappointments with pasar Ramadhan food, I'm not too eager about it anymore), and no special homemade food. Just the regular lauk I cook on other days. The only difference is that I tried to make a kuih for the first time yesterday, kuih tepung talam. Yanked the recipe off some cooking site on the internet, followed it to the T but hard luck, didn't turn out the way kuih tepung talam is supposed to turn out. Lacked physical appeal (the 'kepala' kept sliding off the base *lol*) and definitely needed more sweetness. Oh well, it was still edible, that's the most important thing so belasah je lah makan!

Got to go now. Am heading to the tamu to get some bananas. Man, I really love the tamu over here. Lots of things I can hardly get without much fuss in KL!

Selamat berpuasa everyone! God bless y'all!

p.s. In case you're wondering why the image is credited to 'this guy', the reason is that he has some weird characters in his name that I can't even find on my keyboard. I can't copy it either cause it's an outgoing link, which means, it lets me copy only the link address. So there =)

The Report

2010-08-09T11:32:00.002+08:00

Image be CCCvrcak

On high anxiety today. We (The Mr. and I) went for a blood test last week and the report is now ready. We have an appointment with the doctor today to discuss the outcome. This is not something I've been looking forward to but admittedly, it's something I will have to get over with, like it or not. Anxiety kicked in the moment I received the call from the clinic and now here I am, feeling like I just want to bury myself under the blanket and stay there for as long as I can.

UPDATE [6:48 PM] : Alhamdulillahh.... phew! Boy, that was nerve-wrecking!

There's got to be a little rain sometime

2010-08-08T14:44:00.000+08:00

Image by Edward Dullard

...but you ain't gonna find me talking about it here...

An afternoon of panning

2010-08-07T22:17:00.003+08:00

Image by Aznin

I remembered to NOT bring a book to the park today. Instead, I brought my camera. Been awhile since I last had the chance to snap away... err... as far away as a fortnight ago heheh! Gian kalau lama tak tangkap gambar ni, I tell ya.

Honestly, there wasn't anything interesting to shoot. I have literally hundreds of pictures of my kids at the playground, so to shoot yet again at like location wasn't particularly appealing. So I thought I'd try panning.

For those of you not familiar with photography terms, WikiAnswers explains panning as such:

In still photography, it involves keeping a subject in the view finder when it is moving diagonally or transversely with respect to the photographers position. The exposure is made while the camera is following and does not stop until the shutter has closed. The effect varies with the speed of the pan (due to the speed of the subject) and the shutter speed used. Slower shutter speeds and fast pans will blur the background extensively while the subject is rendered more sharply. If this is a car, most of it would be sharp if done correctly. However, a running person's torso may be relatively sharp while their legs and arms would not be. With manual focused lenses, it is necessary to pre-focus on the same plane that the subject will be in at the anticipated moment of exposure before the pan begins.

Not particularly helpful eh? How about this one then from Advanced Photography...

Panning basically means you click the picture of a moving subject while you move your camera with the subject. You get the subject clear but the background is blurred.

I'm sure that makes more sense, kan?

This being my first attempt, I did tell Humaira to go easy on the swing. To do it slowly so I can follow, not much to her delight but she co-operated nonetheless. At least, for the first 5 minutes.

I took probably about 20-25 shots. Out of that, only 3 turned out the way panned images are supposed to look like (from a newbie standpoint, that is). The rest are all blurred images that look like abstract paintings *lol*

But let me just say that, being new at this technique, it's pretty addictive. Makes me feel like sitting by the roadside in old Lutong and shoot away at passing vehicles.

Naahh... with my confidence (or lack of), that ain't happening! It'll just be the kids on scooters/bikes for now.

The tale of the mysterious horse-kittle

2010-08-07T16:01:00.000+08:00

Image by Waldo#4

Humaira just came home from school...

Me : So did you go to the playground today?

Maira : Yes, but cannot play.

Me : Why?

Maira : Ada banyak air, banyak ulat renang-renang dalam air. Teacher said nanti sakit, gatal here, gatal here (gesturing towards her hands and legs). Teacher said horse-kittle.

It had been raining during the night.

Me : Ada apa?

Maira : Horse-kittle!

That afternoon, on our way to the club to take the kids for a swim...

Maira : Abah, dekat playground tu bahaya, ada horse-kittle.

Abah : Horse-kittle? Hospital you mean? Kalau jatuh kat playground kena masuk hospital.

Maira : Bukan! Teacher said horse-kittle.

Abah : Hospital... bukan horse-kittle.

Maira : No! Bukan hospital. Hospital tu tempat orang sakit. Horse-kittle! (on the verge of tears)

Me : (nyampuk) Ok lah, ok lah... horse-kittle tu serangga la abah, dia gigit sakit (hoping I was right)

Maira : Haa... (nodded in agreement)

As I was watching my kids having fun in the pool, I couldn't stop thinking about this 'horse-kittle' so I started to backtrack and think again of the things Humaira mentioned regarding the 'horse-kittle'.

At the playground, renang-renang dalam air, bahaya kalau kena gigit boleh jatuh sakit etc. and then it hit me...

Horse-kittle = Mosquito

Oooooooooohhhh....

And that was how we spent time at dinner educating her about mosquitos. =)

The differences between men and women

2010-08-06T22:10:00.000+08:00

Image from Inju

NICKNAMES

If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose.

If Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy

EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators

MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want

BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

CATS
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.

DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Nin's Note : Bosan, jalan-jalan, found this and here it is.

The Wind

2010-08-06T16:33:00.001+08:00

Image by Cuba Gallery

Voiceless it cries...

Wingless it flutters...

Toothless it bites...

Mouthless it mutters...

Source : Riddles.com

Remember to go to the park WITHOUT a book!

2010-08-06T10:17:00.001+08:00

Image by Brightdawns

Took the kids to the park yesterday. Not a big one, just a teeny-tiny one within our housing area. I'm quite surprised at how well maintained the little area is. The play structures are all intact (vandalism is not a favorite pastime in Miri ;-), unlike KL uolsz!) and in working order, the grass is short and there are enough benches for us accompanying adults to sit on while supervising the kids. There's also a footpath that goes around the playground that I could've used to my advantage but naahh... maybe next time heheh!

I thought I'd make a mistake when I realised that I had forgotten to bring something to read. Since I married hubby, I've developed the habit of using my 'waiting time' to read. At the clinic, post office, etc. To not read while waiting makes me feel...hanging, if that makes any sense. Like I'm halfway between here and there. And so, it was with a long sigh that I parked my rear end on the park bench, thinking that this was going to be a long, boring wait.

As I sat there, punishing myself by being sorry, a cool breeze brushed across my face and I felt tingly. So I thought maybe I should let my senses enjoy my surrounding since there was nothing left to do, anyway.

And so I played along...

...I heard children's squeals and laughter
...I heard the stomping of their tiny feet as they ran past me
...I heard the sound of the wind... in the rustling leaves
...and I felt it on me, as it cooled and calmed me
...I heard the quiet conversation of the older Indian couple from across the park (I told you it was a tiny park!)
...in Hindi, I could even tell
...I heard the panting of a dog as it ran behind me
...its owner pulling on its leash as he greeted an acquaintance
...I heard "MAMAAA!!"

Haiya! Spoiled my therapy... Time to go home.

Must do this again sometime.

Humaira and the butterfly

2010-08-05T10:16:00.000+08:00

Image by GlossyEye

A lost butterfly wandered into our house on Tuesday. A sign that a visitor's coming according to kepercayaan orang Melayu ('as the Malays believe'). Coincidentally, we were expecting a visitor from good ol' Malaya! Yes, folks here in Sarawak refer to Semenanjung as 'Malaya'.

Anywho, this is not a post about the visitor. It's about Humaira and the lost butterfly. On the day the butterfly wandered in, she asked me what butterflies eat. So I told her that butterflies drink the sweet saps from flowers. Ok, actually, I simply said "butterfly makan bunga" because I was busy at the time and didn't want to explain what "madu bunga" is and where it comes from lah! Ya ya, bad mom, whatever.

The next morning, the butterfly was still there perched on our ceiling. My attempt to open all windows so the butterfly can fly out on its own was stopped by my dear daughter. Ok lah, whatever, I wasn't going to give it much thought. Nasib engkaulah, butterfly! I never would've thought what Humaira had in her mind... she came home from school with a flower she plucked from the neighbour's garden to feed the butterfly! No, she didn't go into the neighbour's compound, the plant and its flowers were hanging out from the fence lah!

I was touched by her action. She actually climbed on the sofa to try and reach the butterfly to "feed" it. The innocence of a child! I pointed out to her that it doesn't work that way. We don't feed butterflies, sweetheart. She wasted no time in pointing out that she had asked for other animals before but I wouldn't let her have any. Fact is, she has been asking for a pet (from dogs to snakes to iguanas) for the past 2 years. I'm not a pet person and I don't think I can bear the sight of a dependant with furs or, God forbid, scales! Eeeeeekk!! But I think sooner or later, I'm going to give her request a consideration. When she's older.

But for now...maybe I should let her keep a tamagotchi eh?

Intro (oh like this is going anywhere)

2010-08-04T16:54:00.001+08:00

Image by Sk8rsammycx

So yeah... here I am, stuck in this little city called Miri, tucked in a little crooked corner of Borneo. Never, for the life of me, thought that I'd one day be calling this place home but alas, God has a plan and here I am. I never thought I'd be comfy enough here so soon but Miri... it grows on me like weeds! I am glad that of all places that I could be stuck in, I have landed here. In a few days, I'll be celebrating my 3rd month anniversary in Miri. Boy oh boy!

Who am I?

Oh just a slightly off balance, middle-aged woman. I dwell in photography, have a small part-time online biz and a mother to Humaira & Umar. Just a woman who thinks she can blog too if that old lady across the street can!

I have a confession... this is like my 100th blog! The ones I had before this have either been abandoned or deleted. Only my biz blog is running at a constant pace. I don't know how long this blog is gonna live but I am determined to keep it alive!

So please, if you ever by any chance happened to stumble your way here, and if you see that this blog is on the verge abandonment, please drop a comment. I will get it in my e-mail and that'll tell me that hey, your blog's still breathing cause somebody dropped by! And care enough to drop a comment too!

Thanks, whoever you are. I might come back tomorrow... so watch out for me!

Back to blog

2009-05-31T19:34:00.000+08:00

Yes, yes... I know, lama tak update blog. Nak buat camno dik non oii... akak very the busy woman! Nak story apa pun tak tau cause lots happened since my last post. So let me start with the very obvious reason why I'm updating my blog... to show off the pictures I took on our recent visit to... Pulau Redang!! Yeah, baby, yeah... First up...

These are the little munchkins we dragged along on the trip. This was taken on our 3rd day there, so as you can see, they are a little tanned and berjelaga hehehe.

This is my (pathetic?) attempt at creative landscape photography. Taken on the beach of the hotel where we stayed at. The water was so clear and blue, on the first day we arrived, my niece (who's visiting from America) said, "the water is so blue, it's like Coolade!". It's true, people... it's that blue in the deeper end!

This is the photographer who went on a lone walk along the beach braving the mid-day sun because that was the only opportunity she had when everybody else was asleep. Bawak gear kat belakang macam pro photographer...I feel happenin' man!! This shot was taken by a boat boy whom I struck a conversation and walked with along the Pasir Panjang beach. Hehehe... suami wa jangan marah ok?

Another attempt at landscape. You probably notice that the horizon is a little tilted. Photographer ni mata sparrow lah! A little more tilted and I'll spill the ocean. Or am I just being picky here?

That's all for now folks! Ada lagi gambar but time is not on my side at the moment. I have guests sleeping over. My parents and my eldest bro who's visiting from US with his 2 daughters. We're going balik kampung tomorrow :-)

Humaira's 4th Birthday

2009-04-10T10:20:00.000+08:00

I can never be a pre-school teacher! No wonder they need 2 teachers for each class :-D

The alien with the big, fat camera just arrived. Only the alien's daughter would smile for her mummy heheh!

What is it with children and birthday cakes?

Happy birthday to youuu.....!

The teacher told the children that only Humaira is allowed to blow the candles. One boy probably thought "yeah right!" and blew anyway hahaha!

Yeay for Humaira!

Ehem! Mummy plak yang terlebih sengih. Why you kids so camera shy one?

The alien is finally leaving. Bye-bye!

Umar turned 3 yesterday

2009-03-24T09:54:00.000+08:00

...but I think he's in denial cause he refused to blow the candles :-D

Happy birthday, sweetheart, we all love you!

Are you a fan of Hari Puttar?

2009-01-21T14:59:00.000+08:00

This is probably old news, but I came across it somehow and thought I'd share it here. Kelakar la! Nasib baik the Bollywood film makers did not take action on our local producers of "Kabhi Qushry Kabhi Igam" *lol!*

******

Court delays Puttar film release
By Karishma Vaswani BBC News, Mumbai

A court in India has postponed the release of a film entitled Hari Puttar, after complaints from the makers of the blockbuster Harry Potter films.
Hollywood company Warner Bros has filed a lawsuit against all parties involved in the production and distribution of the Hari Puttar film.
It has been quoted as saying the the title of the Indian movie is confusing.
Mirchi Movies, the makers of the Bollywood children's film, have denied the accusations.
It told the BBC that India's Hari Puttar had nothing to do with the Harry Potter wizard movies, to which Warner Bros owns the rights.
Mirchi says that Hari is a popular Indian name, and Puttar means 'son' in Hindi and Punjabi.
The Indian film tells the story of a 10-year-old boy who moves to England with his family and becomes involved in a plan to save the world.
The Indian production house says the name of their film was registered in 2005.
But the legal proceedings mean that scheduled release of Hari Puttar has been postponed.
It was meant to hit cinema halls on Friday, but has now been pushed back to the end of this month.

BBC

Petition to Investigate War Crimes in Gaza

2009-01-20T11:34:00.000+08:00

Dear fellow bloggers and friends,

I'm urging you to sign The Petition to Investigate War Crimes in Gaza. The petition was written by a fellow blogger. Click on the link to read and sign the petition.

Thank you.

Me the storyteller (not!)

2009-01-15T14:39:00.000+08:00

I read Raggedyanne's blog the other day on the topic of bedtime stories. She mentioned the Malay folk tale of "Batu Belah Batu Bertangkup" in her blog and how her cute daughter loves the story, so I thought I'd give it a shot with my kids.

But I have to make a confession first...I have never told bedtime (or anytime for that matter) stories to my kids. I just thought that they're a little too young to understand stories but since Raggedyanne did it with her daughter who's just slightly older than my son, Umar, so why not?

My opportunity came yesterday when I was taking a break in the room and Umar came in crying after a fight with kakak over a toy. I cuddled him and in my attempt to stop the crying, started to tell the story of Batu Belah Batu Bertangkup.

This is how it went, lebih-kurang:

Pada suatu hari.... bla bla bla... pergi tangkap ikan...dapat ikan tembakul...

Taknak...taknak...Umar nak itan beshar (ikan besar)....

Ok lah, ikan besar! Moving on...dalam perut ikan tu ada telur...bla bla bla... balik rumah masak telur...

Haa...nak atan...ashak teyor, ashak pisbol.... (nak makan...masak telur, masak fishball...)

Bila dah masak telur...bla bla bla... bagi anak dia makan....anak dia nama...

Ehh!! Ma tengok ni tiak Umar, ni tiak mama.... (sambil tunjuk ketiak dia)

In the end, I concluded that anak aku ni tak paham lagi konsep story-telling huhuhu... So we ended up main geletek2 instead. Whatever! At least, the crying stopped ;-)

Tudung Pashmina Max Azaria

2009-01-13T18:23:00.000+08:00

To those of you who are tudung/hijab wearers or plan to start wearing...check out this site. I bought one recently and am quite happy with it. If you're a housewife like me, chances are you rarely go out shopping. I can't remember the last time I bought a tudung for myself. The tudungs that I wear these days are mostly gifts from relatives who went makan angin in Indonesia. You know, the easy-wear, hassle-free type. I love those and wear them all the time (see my profile picture).

Anyway, this site I'm recommending sells pashmina tudung. I love this tudung for a number of reasons...

Senang pakai...sarung je...
Light-weight so if you belit2 pun it doesn't seem like you're wearing a neck-brace underneath your tudung hehehe
It's long enough for a variety of styles
Long enough to double it up as an instant wrap (like a shawl) in case I'm feeling a little chilly - imagine dalam panggung wayang and you forget to bring your sweater!
In case in the future you want to upgrade to tudung labuh, this one works. No need to buy new sets of tudung.

So there you go! Selamat berbelanja huaahahahah!

p.s. I do not profit from this promo. I'm just sharing what I think is worth sharing.

Ayam bekkk!

2009-01-06T19:08:00.000+08:00

**YAAWWWNNN**

Hehehe...hello hello! How are you? No, I haven't been hibernating. That's a boredom induced yawn... I don't have an excuse for not blogging for so long other than the usual, honest truth...I've been busy ~~blogging elsewhere anonymously and writing about things I would never write here~~ with family life. The kids are a handful as usual, the housechores overwhelming and tanda2 nak dapat maid baru agak suram adanya...*sigh* It's been about 2 1/2 months now, so I gave the maid agency a call this morning sebab they said "2 months can get oredi" and it has been almost 2 months since we applied for one.

Why am I not surprised when the agent said, "belum lagi la kak! baru dapat approval...now waiting for Jakarta side..." and went on to estimate that it'll be another 3-4 weeks, at best! Kepala hangguk korang! Time nak duit semua boleh cepat...!

Anyway, to the fellow bloggers I regularly visit (you know who you are), I'm so sorry for not dropping by lately but I will definitely do soon. Actually, ada gak la visit sekejap2 but did not leave any comments. I don't hang around online as much as I would like to these days. If I do, nanti budak2 tak makan hehehe!

Playground bully

2008-12-18T16:47:00.000+08:00

My dad had an appointment at Hospital Selayang today, for his routine eye check-up (early stage of cataract in his right eye). I had to take the kids along since I didn't have anyone to babysit them at home. Now, if you have been to the Opthalmology section of Hospital Selayang, you'll know that there is an indoor playground there, complete with pergolas and a water feature with little fishies in the pond. Quite impressive for a gomen hospital, I must say.

There's a slide, a playhouse and a littel tunnel where children can crawl in on the playground. Yes, not a very big playground but enough la...this is a hospital maa...! So you have a nice little playground, some nice little children playing among themselves and then...you have the playground bully. Just how do you deal with this one la?

There was this boy, whom I think is just a little older than Maira, standing guard outside the playhouse refusing to let anybody in. Maira loves playhouses and naturally, upon seeing one, she wanted to go in. For someone who loves making friends, hostility is alien to her so when this bully refused to let her in and chased her away, she simply looked at me dumbfounded. So I tried to be the mediator and asked the bully to let her in and that they should play together and be nice to each other. Still he refused, saying "dowan...dowan...! (don't want)" so I told Maira to go play on the slide and that she could get back to the playhouse when the bully leaves.

A few minutes later, the bully did leave so I quickly alerted my little girl. She happily skipped her way in. And then almost instantly the bully came back and asked Maira to leave. Maira however stayed put in the house. From the little window, I could see him tugged Maira's hand so I yelled (I was watching from a distance) "Hey!" and gave him a warning look, waving my index finger (oh...how I wanted to raise the middle one!) hoping he understood that I meant "Don't do that!". He shifted his position after that so that I could no longer see him but I was sure he kept harassing Maira and sure enough, a moment later, I heard her cry.

I was very, very ~~pissed off~~ annoyed but I kept my cool and told the boy that that was not very nice, he shouldn't be doing that and so on and so on. He replied in Chinese so I knew that my advice was in vain...buang air lior je! Actually, I felt like smacking him but I wouldn't want to show Maira a bad example, would I? Nanti kang dia ingat it's ok to hit anybody in times of dispute...that will surely reflect badly on the parents kan? I looked around for the boy's parents but didn't know which ones (I suspect they pretended to be innocent bystanders). I finally decided to give up and pulled Maira out of there. Her excitement had been spoilt anyway so why bother?

We spent a good 3 hours more at the hospital (and witnessed another victim wailed) but poor Maira never went back to the playground, fearing that the bully could still be there. Only before we left the hospital did she request to go on the slide saying, "sekejap aje mak..." (she has started calling me mak recently instead of mama, and her dad ayah instead of abah, thanks to Adi dan Ayah), that too after she was absolutely sure that the bully had left. Kesian anak aku... Keeping true to her promise, she slid down the slide twice and then announced, "ok mak, jom!".

To make it up to her, I fulfilled her request for a cheesecake. That's for being a good girl!

Sure tergelak punye...

2008-12-17T16:49:00.000+08:00

Just this for now ;-)

Cat tale

2008-11-23T18:07:00.000+08:00

Lately, Maira has been asking us to let her keep a cat as a pet. We're not very keen, considering her age and that neither me nor hubby is a pet person. Hubby bought her a pasar malam toy cat once, but that didn't quite did the trick. Ye la...budak dah nak masuk 4 tahun...dah pandai. Mana boleh auta2 lagi kan?

It has become a routine for her to chat with us before she sleeps at night, after we have switched off the lights. She has so much to talk about so if we weren't too sleepy ourselves, we'd layan her chat. She usually have us in stitches with some of the things she says. For instance...

"Ayah...Maiya nak kucing la...kan ayah dah janji..." *we never promised her anything but she simply serkap jarang I suppose*

"Maiya tau ke bela kucing? Nanti dia berak cemana?"

"Maiya basuh la berak dia..."

"Maiya berak pun abah basuhkan!"

"Tak...Maiya basuh berak dia. Maiya pegang dia jangan kasi jatuh dalam toilet..."

Can you imagine what she was thinking? *lol*

Playing along, hubby commented...

"Maiya, lepas basuh berak kucing tu nanti pakai panty ke?"

"Heiii...dia kan kucing...mana pakai...."

We laughed so hard. Tau pulak dia kucing tak pakai underwear when just a moment ago, she thought kucing berak kat toilet! :-D

Insiden di Taman Tun...

2008-11-23T08:17:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, for the 1st time in my years of driving, I got stopped by a traffic policeman. We were driving around Taman Tun, I made an illegal U-turn but I swear I didn't notice the "No U-turn" sign. Just after I turned, I saw this traffic police (wait a minute...or was he a JPJ guy? Cause he was wearing a blue uniform instead of white...hmm...) waving at me to stop the car. I instantly blurted "Allah!!" and pulled over.

"Nak pegi mana ni Cik?"

"Nak cari NAZA showroom" *sengeh sheepishly*

"NAZA lepas traffic light depan tu belok kiri, bukan kat sini. Ni dah salah dah U-turn kat sini."

"Tak nampak pun tanda..." *Poked my head out (a bit too far, forcing police/JPJ man to step back hehehe) to look back to see if there was a sign. Of course le ada kan...*

"Mintak IC, lesen" *walked over to another car at the back*

Hubby made a suggestion, "Yang, you cakap la kite tak biasa area ni..." *not entirely true but can use la this excuse*

"Tau lahh..." *rummaging thru my purse...IC pulak time ni la main hide-and-seek..."

*police/JPJ man came back, I was still looking for IC, so he left again and came back again shortly*

"Cik, jalan lah...NAZA showroom kat traffic light tu belok kiri"

"Eh? Taknak tengok IC?" *kut nak berkenalan ke...hehehe*

"Takpe...takpe..." *gestured for me to get the hell out of there*

"Terima kasih" *sengeh lagi*

VROOOMMM!!!

What does a child ask from God?

2008-11-06T22:56:00.000+08:00

We were getting ready to sleep one night when I reminded everyone to baca doa (recite a prayer) first. Humaira immediately sat up, opened her palms doa style and started to quietly recite a doa. When she was done, her dad asked, "Maira baca apa?"

"Baca doa la..."

"Maira doa mintak apa?"

"Mintak ice-cream banyak-banyak sampai tumpah!"

Has it been 2 "maidless" weeks already?

2008-11-05T23:25:00.000+08:00

You probably know how little time I have these days to spend on the www. It seems like I have 1001 things to remember and do and I'm usually exhausted at the end of the day that the moment I lie down on the bed at night, I doze off almost instantly. But you know what? I don't mind it the least bit.

There's a certain kind of relief at not having that extra domestic help. I like the fact that I do not have to supervise anyone and get stressed out at a job not done to my expectation. I now appreciate the privacy that was once risked by the existence of a non-family member in the house (esp. so if there's a big mouth attached to it). Although almost always exhausted at the end of the day, I am at least satisfied because I know I have done my best. Way better than any foreign domestic helper can do.

On the other hand, I do miss some things that I used to spend time on...like reading a good book before bedtime (baca doa tidur pun kadang2 tak sempat...inikan pulak buku hehehe...), watching tv, reading the newspaper during breakfast (mana sempat dah oii!), and of course, browsing the internet. I do hope that eventually, I get to do all these things again once I get used to my new routine.

Now, don't assume that I had it too easy before and that my life suddenly turned topsy-turvy the moment my maid deserted us. That's not the case. It was just a lot easier (or so we thought!) to have extra help with the housekeeping. I mean, sure, I can vacum and mop the floor every now and then (having done this every other day for the past week and a half, I now appreciate the confined space of an apartment...) but a maid does it everyday, which is even better, right? And I surely appreciate somebody else to clean the windows, ceiling fans and those things you need cleaned and wiped every now and then. But now that that's not possible anymore...I'm going to have to do all of those things myself. *Or...I can hire a weekly cleaning service! :-P*

I'm still working on a lot of things, I have to say. Like being more patient with the kids when they slow things down for me. Umar takes ages to leave the bathroom after a shower. While Maira chews her food like pengantin! Umar can finish 3 mouthfuls before she can finish one. Umar wants to watch Ultraman all day and won't compromise and Maira wants to wear the same pants everyday. They play hard together, and they fight hard too. On an average day, it's perfectly normal for my voice to climb decibels higher than normal. Yes, I scream at my kids and hate it everytime it happens but when you're in the kitchen with your hands full of soap washing dishes and the kids are running up and down the stairs (yes, they've figured out how to open the safety gate), what do you do to warn them to stop immediately or risk falling? Sabar je lah kan?

Oopss...it's past midnight. I should get some sleep. But before that, I promised some pictures of our weekend in Cherating, didn't I? That is, if you haven't yet visited my photosharing page.

I am exhausted because...

2008-10-29T15:03:00.000+08:00

My maid of 42 days ran away,
I had just spent 4 unforgettable days in Club Med Cherating,
I'm without a maid for the time being.

Item 1

I half expected it. She didn't seem really keen on working. Unlike my other maids, this one was just not here. Her mind seemed to be drifting all the time. I lost my temper with her many times, and was beginning to wonder how it was going to be having to bear with her for 2 years. Then one day, I had had enough and told her that I was going to send her back to the agent and get myself another maid to replace her. The next morning, she was gone!

I have mixed feelings about it. Anger and relief. Anger because the money we spent to recruit her was gone just like that and relief because...well... I donno. Just plain LEGA that I don't have to see her face ever again!!

We proceeded to make a police report, sent the report to the agent to have her work permit cancelled (kena duit lagi!) and headed home to pack for our trip to Cherating. *Life goes on, you stupid pompuan!*

Item 2

We went to Club Med Cherating the day after the maid left. The place is beautiful! If you guys don't know this yet about Club Med, they have a totally different concept than any hotels I've ever been to. First of all, they have GO's (guest officers) from various nationalities working there. I was surprised to be greeted by GOs from Japan and South Africa. I mean, I'm a local and I was greeted by foreigners! It felt rather awkward at first.

Second of all, the rate you paid for your stay covers everything you need in the hotel. Meals, free flow drinks anytime of day, and activities (They have loads! From mini golfing, to roller blading, trapeze, mini safari...bla bla bla). Of course, spa treatment is not inclusive la...are you kidding me?

Thirdly...every night is a happening night...not just weeknights. The GOs are quite a versatile group, I observed. They mingled with the guests, they changed the hotel deco every night to suit the next day's theme (pirates, bollywood, black and white etc. Every day has a theme.), they performed on stage every night... So it's normal to see the nurse from the hotel's infirmary becomes an abducted princess on stage.

In conclusion...we had a great time! Kalau boleh nak pergi lagi...(pics coming up in my next posting)

Item 3

We have decided not to hire any maid for the time being. Serik! I learned something a little too late and I learned it the hard way. Some maids are so jahat mulut! They talk about you and say bad things about you to family members. Lucky if they don't believe the maids, but what if they do? Things like tak bagi makan (hello? kalau tak bagi makan apsal makin gemuk?), tampal instruction on the fridge (what is wrong with that? Wouldn't it be easier that the maid has something to refer to and not have to be constantly reminded?) and ntah hapa2 lagi yang tak masuk akal.

I am so serik! I feel like my privacy has been invaded and that I am being wrongfully judged. My negative side is magnified and my positive side is buried altogether. I am now a little less wicked than nenek kebayan... Just what I need, a reputation to die for!

Do you see cobwebs?

2008-10-17T12:55:00.000+08:00

Hallo! Heheh... This happens every now and then... The lack of ideas to keep on blogging. Just the same ol' same ol' stuff. Takkan nak story benda yang sama je kan? But that's the reality lah... after 3 years of blogging, I have to admit, I am getting bored and running out of ideas. Not that I have much to begin with. I hate to talk about politics because nobody ever wins. I can't talk (or complain) about work cause I don't have a 9-5 job. I gave up on taggings and memes not long ago because I just didn't want to participate anymore. I can talk about the books I read, but that's too much work hehehe...

So what do I blog about?

Some more raya pics

2008-10-08T15:12:00.000+08:00

Click here for more pics

Some raya pics

2008-10-08T14:45:00.000+08:00

See more at http://www.flickr.com/photos/aznin

Ugly Malaysians

2008-09-14T08:53:00.000+08:00

Al-kisah... I was at the pasar ramadhan yesterday with my hubby and kids. We passed by this fruit stall manned by this unfriendly pakcik. He was selling some over-ripened papayas among other fruits. Then one Bangladeshi guy came to the stall and started choosing the fruits...I'm sure he had every intention of buying cause one wouldn't simply pick fruits to scrutinize simply for the fun of it. Not unless you're a kid, I guess.

Anyway, this Bangladeshi guy was happily picking up and putting back the fruits looking one that fits his fancy when this pakcik suddenly scolded him saying something like "lembik la nanti buah ni" (they were already over-ripened, for crying out loud!). And then, the pakcik did something that disgusted me. He shoved the Bangladeshi's hand away from his fruits and blurted rudely, "pi sana lah...bodoh sangat!". He actually shooed away the guy!

I understand his concern for the well-being of his low-quality fruits but wasn't that Bangla guy his customer? Didn't he deserve the same respect this pakcik accord to his other customers? My guess is, this pakcik didn't see it fit to respect this Bangla guy cause he's a foreigner of a "lower class".

What if the foreigner was a mat salleh?

Let me cite you an example of another discrimination. This happened to me so you're hearing it straight from the horse's mouth (don't take this literally ok? clearly I'm not a horse hehhe). This happened 2 weeks ago. I was at M.A.C. looking for a lipstick. I was seriously looking ok? Tested one after another. All the while, there was this salesperson nearby but she ignored me the whole time. Not even a smile or a nod to acknowledge my existence. Fine lah...whatever.

But suddenly, a mat salleh lady passed by and she was merely glancing at the display items, did not even step into the shop and, as if at the push of a button, this salesperson came to life. She went..."Hello there!" Mat salleh went "Hi". Salesperson went "Welcome to M.A.C! Where are you from?". Mat salleh went "I'm from Britain...bla bla bla..." "Oh really?" "Yeah!" And on and on.

I was there thinking "bloody hell!". Without hesitation, I dropped everything and left.

So now you tell me, are we Malaysians racist? I think we are. More than we like to admit.

WTD

2008-09-12T15:17:00.000+08:00

Play

2008-09-10T16:55:00.000+08:00

My badd....

2008-09-05T09:34:00.000+08:00

Hello, TMNet...I think something is wrong with my internet connection la. The LAN light on my modem tak nyala, and I'm not able to login to the internet. Not sure if the modem is broken or something wrong with the line...

Can I have your username please?

It's ******* @ Streamyx

Ok, tunggu sebentar ye...

(Silence)

Ok, you follow my instruction ye. Click "Start"

Huh? Ok...(click!)

Click "Run"

(click!)

Type "cmd"

(c.m.d)

Ok, now type "ipconfig"

Errr...actually, what are we doing here?

Nak check your network card.

Network card? Network card tu kat dalam pc kan?

Ha'a

Apa kena-mengena ngan network card plak ni?

Takpe, buat ni dulu...type "ip"

O...kaayyy....(type type)

"Spacebar" then xxx.x.x

(type type)

Apa dia tulis?

"Command ip not recognized bla bla bla...."

Cuba type yang ni pulak..."ip aku.b.o.d.o.h" Apa dia tulis?

Sama gak "command ip not recognized bla bla bla". I don't think the problem is with the network card la. The LAN light on my modem yang tak nyala, so logically the problem must be either the modem or connection, takde kena-ngena dengan network card.

Ok, tunggu sebentar ye.

(Silence)

(Silence)

(Silence)

Hello, puan?

Yes.

Cuba buat ni. Puan cabut wayar sambungan modem dengan pc tu, terbalikkan wayar tu.

*minah ni biar betul....*

Sebab apa buat macam tu?

Nak tengok wayar tu kut wayar tu yang rosak.

*bunyi macam tak logik je..."

Ok. (walked to modem, reached behind for the wire...)

*eh alamak...wayar ni tercabut rupanya, patut la LAN light tak nyala...kih kih kih. My badd....*

Err...dik....takpelah, kakak cuba dulu terbalikkan wayar tu, kang kalau takleh gak akak call balik kay?

Ok, ada apa-apa lagi saya boleh tolong?

~~Tolong cari keje lain~~ Takde...terima kasih eh? Assalamu'alaikum!

Do I have an over-inflated ego or what? *lol*

Maira's first day at pre-school

2008-08-29T13:43:00.000+08:00

late night blogging is somewhat relaxing...

2008-08-28T23:31:00.000+08:00

We just came back from a 3-night stay at the Mandarin Oriental today. With the 2 young ones in tow and my parents as well, can you imagine the amount of dirty laundry we brought home? *takkan nak cuci kat hotel kan...seluar dalam selai pun caj 8 hengget! huaahahaha!!*

Hadn't been to the KLCC area in awhile, it felt like I went to a foreign city. There were lots of middle-eastern folks at the hotel. According to one of the hotel staff, it's the holiday season over there. *patut laa...*

We didn't do anything much other than "lay-parking" at the pool (morning) *the motive here is to drain the kids of energy so that they take a longer afternoon nap so that I can jalan2 at Suria KLCC* and errr... "lay-parking" at the pool (afternoon). Actually, we could've gone to the park but it rained a whole lot so whatever window of opportunity we had to spend outdoor, we maximised it by going to the pool. Main air lagi seronok kan? When it rained, we went shopping instead. Not that we shopped a lot but beli ice-cream pun considered shopping gak kan?

Hotel service was excellent. The staff were obliging enough to our requests from extra mineral water *unlimited, mind you! I have been to a hotel where they limit you to only 4 bottles per day* to extra coffee, tea (yes, we're a bunch of cheapos and proud of it!) and ntah apa2 lagi yang extra. But the ultimate in service for us was when they entertained our request to reheat the leftover food we bought the day before which we kept in the room fridge (some bolognaise pasta and sandwich, the Chilli's version...generous!) and brought back the food ala room service style! Complete with the table on wheels, food served in plates instead of the styrofoam containers they came in, water and shredded cheese for the pasta, sauces and ketchup (which we didn't ask for) and...listen to this... a bowl of freshly fried french fries (try repeating this 3 more times..."freshly fried french fries" hehehe!) in replacement of the those we bought because the kitchen folks thought the fries were...well, beyond eating condition. All these...on the house. Yeay for Mandarin Oriental!! *clap clap* (did I mention we're a bunch of cheapos?)

You're probably saying, "kalau dah cheapo apasal dok MO?" Actually, hubby had to attend a course so the room was paid by his employer (hah!!). Of course, we paid for the other room which explained why we had to manage our budget in other areas, hence the tapau food :-P

Oh...while I was browsing at KLCC, Lancome was having a promotion at the Centre Court and I treated myself to a free make-over! (Yeah...yeah...yeah...I'm a minah welfare, whatever!). Mak dah lama tak mekap so after the make-over that day, I felt like I didn't want to wash my face. I looked pretty hot (perasan...but just let me enjoy this ok?).

Well...now I'm back home and things are back to routine. By the way, tomorrow is Maira's first day at pre-school! I better get some sleep!

Good night!

Old enough for school?

2008-08-20T12:32:00.000+08:00

Frankly speaking, I don't believe in sending children to school before they reach at least 5 years old. I started going to kindy at 5 myself so I've always had this thought at sending my children to kindy at that age too. My rationale behind this is that I don't want my kids to miss their childhood. At that age, they should be playing and exploring and just enjoy being kids, while they still can.

But I realised things are different now...

For one thing, Maira herself has been bugging me about sending her to school. It has been a few months now and I kept promising her that I would but never actually intended to act on it. I thought it's just a phase, that she'll soon forget, but how wrong I was. She has been consistent in her request. I hear "Mama, maiya nak pegi sekolah..." every single day! When she plays with Umar, she even pretends to go to school... I guess that's my cue, so off I went looking for a respectable kindy for my ambitious little girl.

I found one Q-Dees, just a 5-minute drive away from home. I checked out the school, and I must say, I'm impressed with today's education standard. For Maira's age group (3+), she'll be under the Early Development Program. That means, not so much about learning to read and write which was my main concern because I don't want it to be too academic. I mean, she's only 3 for goodness sake! I checked out the classrooms, the books, etc. The school even has a hi-tech computer thing going, which they call FlipTech, whatever that is! Probably something to the likes of flashcards but using computers...Wallahu'alam! Didn't have that during my time!

Ok, having done the inspection, time to check the fee structure. Ehem! Have to admit, I was a little naive...didn't expect the fees to cost so much so mak telan air liur la jugak when they showed me the fee structure. But nothing that can't be worked out with a little negotiation here and there hehehe! So we're going back to the school tomorrow to purchase the uniform and pay the fees. But Maira's not going to start school until next week. I sure am going to take lots of pictures of the big day!!

I wonder if I'm going to miss her when she goes to school every day, or if Umar is going to miss her.... She's a real chatterbox, you know... It'll be awfully quiet... *Nin oii...it's only 3 hours a day, for crying out loud!!*

&%#*$%

2008-08-19T11:33:00.000+08:00

This is one of those crappy, down-in-the-dumps time again...

It'll pass....it'll surely pass...

Count your blessings Nin...

On shopping

2008-08-17T12:48:00.000+08:00

I was reading Achik's blog on her shopping tak hengat dunia experience at Jusco member's sale and I realised that I didn't flich at the thought of missing a sale. If this was 4-5 years ago, I would've slapped my forehead and cursed at myself for missing the opportunity to shop and then I would imagine all the bargains I missed and envy my friends who went. But now, suddenly, shopping and keeping up with the trends don't matter anymore! Hurray!! *but that doesn't mean I would pass a Coach handbag, o-kayy?*rasanya dah 10x hint dah ni...laki aku ni baca ke tak blog ni??*

Back to shopping, my sis-in-law has been asking me for the last 2 months or so when whether I have done my raya shopping. Esehmen...as far as I remember, we rarely shop till we drop for raya, let alone doing it way before the last minute rush. We normally shop during the fasting month...itupun mostly for the kids. This year, we're recycling last year's baju raya :-). Of course the kids get new outfits every year cause they grow duh!

Oh by the way...feel free to check out my new website. Just a little venture to fulfill my self-actualization need :-D .